It's Boss' Bachelorette Breakdown, Baby! Here's how it works: I watch the show, I drink some wine, I take some notes. Then, I try to make sense of those notes and write a recap for you. So hereeee we go!
My first note is there’s a man named Termayne “Crypto Guy” on the screen that I swear I have never seen before and it’s Week 3… but okay, let’s cut to the first date card of the week.
RACHEL’S ONE ON ONE DATE
Rachel picks Zach, a 25 year old Tech Executive from Anaheim Hills CA, for her one on one date this week.
They head to Beverly Hills for a classic “let’s play dress up” date. They’re greeted by Karamo Brown from Queer Eye and he’s all like ‘I’m here to support my girl Rachel’ like they’re longtime BFFs and not that ABC is paying him to be there.
Karamo tells them he’s going to set up their date, and that Rachel is such an ‘Old Hollywood Starlet’ so they’re going to a movie premiere! But first the three of them chat and Zach says that he felt sparks with Rachel right away so it didn’t matter that there are two Bachelorettes because it was Rachel right away for him. Rachel and Karamo both agree, ‘good answer’.
There’s a dress up montage where they wear ridiculous clothes and then they finally try on the ‘perfect’ outfit. They do look really good together.
Cut to Rachel and Zach arriving at the movie premiere for ‘Me and You’.... I wonder out loud – “Is this that J LO movie with Owen Wilson? What is this??” Turns out, they have their own private viewing of home videos of both Rachel and Zach growing up. It’s actually pretty adorable. The hardest part for me is seeing that Zach was a TODDLER in 2001. Zach’s mom and Rachel's mom make surprise cameos in the video and omg why am I crying!?!?
Rachel and Zach kiss and find out that they both used to go with their dads to the airport just to watch the planes and yep, they’re in love. He gets the rose!!!
Back at the mansion, Gabby surprises the dudes and they are so awkward with her like they don’t even care that she’s there. They have a catch with the football and Gabby’s like “Okay, I don’t want to play anymore… I didn’t want to play to start.” LOL. Poor Gabs.
GABBY’S ONE ON ONE DATE
Mullet Erich gets the date card that says ‘Three’s a Crowd’ which can only mean……. Oh yes…. Gabby’s Grandpa John is tagging along for their date! Everyone loves Grandpa John but no one wants to go on a date with him there, I mean come on. All the dudes are like Thank Godddd.
The three of them hop in a Jeep with Grandpa in the back seat. Erich tells the camera, “I’ve never been on a first date when somebody’s grandpa was there… sooo that’s not natural.” Fair.
Oh wow their first stop is some hippy dippy stuff…. They’re doing a ‘sound ceremony’ and it definitely doesn’t seem like Erich nor Grandpa are into it.
But Gabby says that one of her favorite things is to have a sound bath so, there’s that.
Gabby kicks off the sound ceremony saying, “I would like to set an intention of moving forward with confidence despite any fears that I might have because I truly believe the risk is worth the reward.”
Erich follows up with a very elaborate intention, “My intention is presence…being here in the moment.” The End.
Andddd Grandpa is taking a nap hahaha. Later he tells the camera, “That was an interesting experience. At my age any new experience is a good experience but not necessarily anything I need to duplicate.” LOL.
Their next stop on the date is a bowling alley… still with Grandpa. In the bowling alley they actually pick up Julie, a grandma (and obvious actress).
Gabby and Erich walk away for some much needed alone time and they kiss in the bowling alley like teenagers.
Side note: Gramps and Grams are hitting it off, too!
Gabby tells the camera in a confessional, “I may not be perfect tonight but hopefully he still likes me” UMM WHAT? Where's that confidence intention, Gab!?
They finally ditch Gramps and go to dinner where Gabby has a breakdown about her mom and it’s very sad to watch. Gabby’s mom apparently chose to not be in her life and Gab is working through that rejection. She excuses herself from the table and goes to talk to producers. She explains her feelings, ‘Like it’s so hard to have a mom that doesn’t love you… like am I too broken for anyone to love? What if Erich decides I'm not for him?’ She says she’s too complicated and messy and seriously we love Gab and it’s so hard to watch this!
Gabby returns to the table and unleashes A LOT of feelings on Erich. He just sits there, almost blank staring. It’s definitely a lot to take in but he makes literally no effort to comfort her. Then it gets even worse when Gabby goes to kiss him and he doesn’t really kiss back so now she’s sitting on his lap kissing his neck and his face is like ‘what the heck did I get myself into?’
As far as dates go, this was a very bad one. Yet, Erich gets the rose.
GROUP DATE
Oh no it’s the fake wedding proposal photo shoot date!!!! So awful.
They make the dudes dress up in terrible costumes. Jacob gets a leaf. That’s it. Ethan is a nerd, kind of rude. Unnamed man looks like he got hit by a bus. A few of the men have to participate in a Daisy Duke car wash…. what is happening!?! Omg this is so wrong. A ‘pregnant’ Aven just gave birth to a ‘baby’ Meatball! I am disturbed.
The cocktail party on the group date is at SoFi Stadium in LA. Rachel’s having a great night, she makes out with Aven and Tino.
Poor Gabs is not having a great night. First Tyler (from Wildwood!) says he’s all in for Rachel. Then Hayden tells Gabby that he’s into Rachel, which is fine but he says that his morals just don’t align with Gabby and that she’s rough around the edges. That’s just rude, dude! Then he ends it with ‘You’re the best, though!’ and Gabby awkwardly says, “no you are…” and my heart hurts.
Ohhhhh noooo now Jacob is telling Gabby he’s here for Rachel too! He is a D word about it though. He says, ‘Now even if you were the only person here I don't think I could have the heart to continue on this journey with you… since we’re trying to find someone to be with for the rest of their lives.’
Poor Gab is taking a beating from the dudes and she’s the freaking Bachelorette!
Welp, it’s time to hand out the date roses and Rachel gives hers to Aven. Gabby is pretty much like ya know what I don’t feel like giving one out tonight, y'all suck.
Rachel’s eyes are like what!?!?! They go to chat away from the dudes and Gab tells Rachel what Hayden and Jacob said to her. Rachel is FIRED UP! She’s like ‘because there’s two of us they think they can act that way? Do you want to address it? Do you want me to address it?’ Rachel looks like she’s gonna fight someone and I love it.
Gab shakes her head no ferociously. “I’m here to find a life long partner, I'm not here to teach dudes how to act.” BOOOOM.
THE ROSE CEREMONY
Later, Gab and Rachel plot how to move forward and take back the ‘power’ from these entitled dudes. They cancel the cocktail party and Host Jesse Palmer makes an appearance to tell the dudes that Rachel and Gabby will be continuing on their journey but separately. The dudes must pick a side!
So Rachel and Gabby both give out roses and the guys have the opportunity to accept or decline in hopes that the other Bachelorette will choose them. Personally, I feel like they should've done this like sorority rush style. The girls pick their top. They guys pick their top. Done. Those who fall below the line go home!
But they didn’t..... so here we go:
Rachel’s Picks:
Tino
Logan aka Will Forte
Tremayne - turns it down!?!
Alec - lame looking Property Brother rejects it!?!
Tyler
Ethan
Jordan
Meatball - MEATBALL REJECTS IT? COME ON!
Hayden - UGH NOOO not ‘rough around the edges’ guy!
Gab:
Nate
Johnny
Spencer
Jason
Mario (??)
Kirk
Quincy
Michael
So Termayne, Alec, Jacob and Meatball all get the boot! Oh no now Meatball is making a last ditch effort for Rachel (who he literally just rejected).... We’re left with a “to be continued” but for the love of God Rachel do not keep a man named Meatball!!!
Want more Boss's Bachelorette Breakdown? Read last week's recap below.
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