Trick-oh-til-oh-what-ee-ah? …is what I thought during my senior year of high school when I was formally diagnosed with Trichotillomania. I could google it and give you the clinical definition, but I have been living with it for more than a decade. The way I describe it is that it’s an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) that causes you to pluck out your own hair.
Yeah… it’s just as ‘pleasant’ as it sounds. I wouldn’t blame you if you read those first few sentences and decided “nope, this isn’t the blog for me.” Fair.
But for those of you that are curious (or for the few of you that know someone or can personally relate), you may find this helpful. From what I’ve read over the years, Trichotillomania impacts 1-2% of the global population (200,000 specifically in the U.S.) and it averages to be about 1 in 4 that are men. Wow, how lucky am I to beat the odds and get this??
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Cure? Nope! It is still unclear as to what is the root cause of it. For me, I’ve tried to track down the cause for my pulling and often times I’m doing it without realizing it. Whether I’m deep down a train of thought or bored or hungry or flat out stressed. Some of these (…and none of these) situations occur when I’m pulling out my own hair.
Ugh. It’s the WORST!
For over a year now, I’ve been seriously considering just shaving it all off. Can’t pull what’s not there, right? Turns out… that’s very true. As I write this, I have already had 3 noticeable impulses since shaving my head (spoiler alert - I did it, if it's not obvious yet!). Nope, shaving your head is not a cure. BUT… I didn’t have anything to pull. Granted, I have hair elsewhere on my body (but I briefly go over that in the video above).
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I have also been curious about what I would look like… bald. There's only one way to find out is to 'just do it.' Wouldn't you know it? During social distancing because of coronavirus, is in fact, the perfect time to find out. We’re not supposed to leave our houses until April 30th (or possibly longer).
Not going to lie, I actually like my shaved head already. What? I know. I adjusted faster than I expected and it’s very promising if the hair doesn’t grow back (it’s a real fear) or if it grows back and I can’t reduce my temptation to pluck my hair out.
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As I’ve explained to a small group of friends (prior to shaving my big ol' noggin), the only adjustment will be for those that already know me. I look… drastically different. BUT, to anyone I’m meeting for the first time, I’m just JMatt… that happens to be bald, no big deal. Too bad I can’t meet anyone for a while though.
So, that’s what Trichotillomania is in a nutshell. Of all my mental health diagnoses… it is my least favorite, mostly because it is so physically visible. I’m just taking all of this one day at a time and this time I shaved my head to see if it would help. Only time will tell.
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If you have more questions or want to chat about mental health, feel free to hit me up on social media at @JMattMke (same handle on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Snapchat, and TikTok)!
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