Albert Pujols tries—and predictably fails—on hilarious steal attempt

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They say fortune favors the bold. But not this bold.

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Albert Pujols got greedy. After advancing to second on an error by Brewers infielder Kolten Wong during the second inning of Thursday’s matinee in Milwaukee, the Cardinals veteran decided against his better judgment to steal third base. He did not succeed.

We’ve long mocked Tom Brady for his laughably slow 40 at the NFL Combine, but he could have taken out his phone, ordered an Uber and still arrived at third base before Pujols. Pujols isn’t running with a piano on his back … he’s running with an entire orchestra.

Prior to Thursday’s failed heist, Pujols had been successful on his past 14 steal attempts dating back to 2015. That actually makes perfect sense, because who in their right mind would anticipate a cement-footed 42-year-old delusional enough to take off for third base? Never discount the element of surprise. But Thursday, in a moment of unearned confidence, the legendary slugger flew entirely too close to the sun, treating us to one of the most inept displays you’ll ever see on a big-league diamond.

Pujols, who plans to retire at the end of this year, needs 20 more homers to become the fourth player in MLB history to reach 700. Merely a platoon player at this late juncture in his career, Pujols will likely fall short of that milestone, though MLB adopting a universal DH does help his chances.

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