Urban: Good for Ball, Bad for Ball returns, ‘The Last Dance’ edition

"The Last Dance" edition of Good for Ball, Bad for Ball
Photo credit Photo By USA TODAY Sports (c) Copyright USA TODAY Sports

There is no wiggle room. No waffling. No gray area. You’re in or you’re out.

If you require further explanation, I don’t know what to tell you. Apparently, you’ve been under that rock of yours for a good long while, because the informed among us have not just known the following but have adopted it.

In a world that’s gone rotten with click-bait lists and rankings — I can’t believe I got sucked into that 28-slide head fake about the trapped baby elephant — there’s a bottom-line simplicity to it that’s survived, endured and followed me through multiple career moves. It’s been a staple, from print to radio and even a little TV.

Hell, it’s been hash-tagged on Twitter, and as we all know, if it’s been hash-tagged, it’s (cue the Ron Burgundy voice) #KindOfABigDeal.

So, let’s all say it together one time and put it to use as we scan the insanely altered sports landscape:

Everything in life can be labeled in one of two ways — #GoodForBall or #BadForBall.

And I do mean “everything.” For instance, the double-chocolate muffin that NutriSystem for Men allowed me to have for breakfast today was surprisingly #GoodForBall. Tasty, even — all three bites. That I’ve grown out of so many belts that I can do the “Fat Guy in a Little Coat” thing from Tommy Boy is #BadForBall. Hence the call to NutriSystem for Men.

Hey, it helped Damon Bruce lose 50 pounds! Sadly, while he was losing 50, I was finding it, via fast food, huge portions and sweets galore. I call it PudgySystems for Mychael.

So you get it now, right? The whole #GoodForBall or #BadForBall thing? OK sweet. Away we go …

Dennis Rodman was an absolute beast on the floor and an absolute freak off the court. This is not exactly breaking news, but thanks to what’s already my new favorite documentary — ESPN’s “The Last Dance” — Rodman and his unique, can’t-look-away spin on stardom are getting a most respectful treatment from ESPN Films that serves as a very important reminder that there was an intelligent method to his madness. His brilliant breakdown of how to best position himself for a rebound, dependent on who’s shooting, is a million times more fascinating than anything he did in a wedding dress. But the dress, the creepy Madonna thing, the in-season vacation in Vegas? Also genius. 

Old-schoolers despise Rodman and his TMZ-afied antics. But they can’t knock the hustle: Rodman was inducted to the Hall of Fame as soon as he was eligible. #GoodForBall.

Jerry Krause, the Bulls’ beleaguered general manager, will never get the widespread respect he deserves for building six championship teams. He had Michael Jordan, the greatest player of all time, and when MJ took the better part of two years off to sow his baseball oats, the Bulls’ string of titles was interrupted. With Jordan: six titles. Without Jordan: zero. Krause does NOT come off well in “The Last Dance.” He’s equal parts arrogant, ignorant and insecure, not to mention the guy who prompted “The Last Dance” in the first place! But make no mistake: He was an excellent GM. He surrounded Jordan with everything Jordan needed to win, starting with his promotion of Phil Jackson from assistant to head coach, and let’s not forget that he “discovered” Scottie Pippen and Toni Kukoc.

Jordan was hard on Krause. Verbally abused the guy every chance he got. Bullied him on the daily, to the point where some of it came off as petty. But some of it was deserved, self-inflicted. So no, Jerry, you cannot hang with the cool kids. Not with that Meat Beard you’re rocking. #BadForBall.

Meat Beard? Yes, Meat Beard. Think about it. It took me a few seconds to “get it” when I first heard it, too. Got it? Good. I’ve got a ton more for you on “The Last Dance,” so keep your eyes and ears peeled — weird expression, “eyes peeled” — for my next column. I promise it will be #GoodForBall.

But wait. Did I just mock someone for his meat beard after polishing off a double-chocolate muffin from NutriSystem for Men? Yes. Yes, I did. I believe the word for which you’re looking is “hypocrite.” #BadForBall.