Welcome back to Manic Monday, and wow was this a wild weekend. In an incredible shocker, both New York teams won on the same day. The Vikings played the Browns and scored 21 total points between them. Atlanta, New Orleans and Tennessee all fought to see who could choke worse.
But those weren’t the biggest stories. No, the big lede was in New England where they put ALL the budget into the intro hype video of Tom Brady returning to Foxborough. Adele belting out “Hello from the Other Side” played as you watched a dissolve filter wash over Tom Brady in a Patriots jersey and morph him seamlessly into a tan, happy Tampa Bay Buccaneer. I’m not sure the purpose of this video, but it did absolutely show what happy Tom Brady looks like as opposed to Unhappy Tom, who haunted the sidelines of New England for about the last decade. He made it out alive. On the “other side.” With one more ring (and potentially more) to show for it.
Let’s get into it.
SPY VS. SPY, PATRIOTS STYLE
Mad Magazine used to have a series called Spy vs. Spy, in which two international espionage agents, the White Spy and the Black Spy, faced off against each other in an effort to outsmart one another.
This is exactly what happened Sunday night in New England, where Tom Brady revisited his old stomping grounds and faced off against his old coach Bill Belichick.
It was the chess match we all expected, only it took place in a downpour. It’s almost as if the Football Gods decided to level the playing field, and to remind Brady how much easier things are for him now in Tampa.
And lordy did Tom look more uncomfortable on the field in that downpour. Almost as much as I imagine he was the first time making eye contact with Bill Belichick on the field Sunday in pregame warmups.
I mean, Bill Belichick hasn’t wanted to win a game this bad in… ever? He pulled out all the stops. Literally digging out gadget plays, abandoning the run, pulling out blitzes that haven’t been used since he was DC of the Giants. This game put LIFE back in Emperor Palpatine.
And OF COURSE the game was tight the entire time. Brady was just a tiny bit off, and his receivers missed a few balls, too. But really what this game showed is just how much Gronk means to this team. The Bucs Red Zone offense was gross. This was a game they should not have been in any danger of losing, and yet it was a two-point game with two minutes left to go.
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The other story of the game, other than so many missed chances for Tampa Bay, was that Mac and Cheese Jones was very reliable and benefited from so, so many bad pass Interference calls on the Bucs. And yet, despite the best efforts of Mac, Bill, and all the Zebras, this rainy night ended like the Patriots season will: with a thudding DOINK.
Crazy.
The right team won but the Old Man showed he still has a few tricks up his sleeve. If only the Patriots had a seasoned quarterback who knew how to win big game… Ohhhhhh.
And now Tom Brady has more wins at Foxboro than the Patriots do.
The Steelers Aren’t Just Frauds, They Are Embarrassments
I wrote this on Thursday in my Fraud Alert blog, and I am reiterating for the masses today: the Steelers are done. Cooked. Fried. Over. Moreso, it’s getting embarrassing.
It really is amazing that they are running Ben Roethlisberger out there every week, because he is a shell of his former fluffy self. I have never seen anyone lose this much weight and still seem more out of shape than before. He’s been immobile for about six years but at least before he stood like a telephone pole and no one could pull him down. Now? He’s like a redwood with no roots. He’s overthrowing receivers as if he needs bifocals and can’t tell which of the three Diontae’s is open at any given moment in time.
And a team that’s squeaked by the last few years on the fumes of Dick Labeau’s blitz schemes has finally gotten old enough on that side of the ball to get consistently exposed. They can’t defend. They haven’t been able to run since the departure of Lev Bell and the one thing they could do? Now they can’t — pass.
Night night, sleep mask. They are in last place in a division with three teams at 3-1. Rebuild city. Time to put the old man into the Shady Acres facility and find their QB of the future, and get poor T.J. Watt some help.
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Is There A King In The NFC West?
I have absolutely no idea what to make of this division.
One week, the Rams made the defending champs look like baby lambs, pulverizing them into veal parmesan and then the next week, as 5-point home favorites, the Rams got dominated on both sides of the ball by Kyler Murray and a Cardinals team that had its fair share of lackluster moments this season against the Vikings and the Jaguars. The Rams offense petered out and the defense struggled to even touch Kyler as he scampered down the sidelines for first down after first down without a sweat. He’s like a baby deer out there learning to run and no one can touch him.
As for Seattle? They go 42 minutes without scoring against Minnesota, and then put an absolute beat down on the 49ers, who should have beaten Green Bay. The defense went from looking atrocious for three quarters to putting in a complete performance on the road in a game in which they only got 234 yards of offense. San Francisco had over 450 yards of offense so I’m sure they have no idea how they lost this game. Might have been when kicker Robbie Gould got injured pre-game, or maybe when Jimmy G injured his calf on one of the very first series of the game; perhaps when stud O-lineman Trent Williams had to leave OR when the Seahawks fumbled three times and the 49ers weren’t able to recover a single one of them.
Every week, up is down, and everything goes sideways. Two games separate four teams, all of them (except for maybe Seattle) are good enough to win the Super Bowl.
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The only thing we can say for sure? If there is a crown to give, it belongs to Sir Kyler Murray. Kyler is the best QB in this division and it's not even close. He’s completing over 75% of his passes, already has 1,000 yards through four weeks, and he doesn’t look like he’s slowing down. The division is in his hands, and if the other three teams can’t figure out a way to stop the baby deer from scampering? Wild Card City for two of these teams, and a REALLY long offseason for the other.
Prediction: Kyler Murray wins the MVP.
Who needs running backs when your QB is a top-5 rusher in the league?
JK Dobbins? Done for the year. Backup running back Gus Edwards? Season-ending injury shortly thereafter. The rest of the running backs left? A recently cut former backup Latavius Murray, a washed Devonta Freeman and an even more washed Lev Bell.
Ruh Roh. I admit, these set of facts led me to quite a bit of trepidation about the Ravens prospects for the season.
And then I looked up and even with these mediocre running backs without a complete offseason to absorb the playbook, they lead the league in rushing.
Yep.
The Ravens currently lead the NFL in rushing.
How sway?
Lamar. His name is Lamar Jackson.
Who needs a running back (or even a committee) when you have Lamar Jackson? Lamar the Quarterback threw for 300 yards. Lamar the running back? He’s a top-5 (4 but who’s counting) running back in the league right now with 251 yards in 4 games.
The Ravens have six consecutive winnable games ahead of them, which is a lot of time to figure out the running back situation. Because you really don’t want Lamar cartwheeling, slash-somersaulting into the end zone or getting a hip pointer late in a game where you’re grinding down the clock.
No team’s fortunes rise and fall more than the Ravens do with Lamar, even the Chiefs with Mahomes. In some ways, the skepticism and fear around how far this team can go is warranted because at some point, Lamar HAS to come back down to earth, right? Even still, when healthy, Lamar Jackson, the featured back, is significantly better than almost anybody else right now. And that makes the Ravens DANGEROUS.
And that’s it for another Manic Monday. What a great week of football!
Can’t wait to do it all again next week!
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