Dear Tom and Bruce,
I am writing this letter to say I am sorry. I am sorry I doubted that it would ever work out for you two. Well, I mean, I did think you would make the playoffs but there was no way I thought you were headed all the way to the big game in, ah, well, Tampa.
Tom Brady, I am sorry that I didn’t make more of stink when Belichick let you walk. “In Bill We Trust,” had poisoned my mind. Despite his 51- 65 record without out you I put too much credence in the Hoodie’s impact on the game, yourgame.
Please forgive me for thinking you were crazy to go to Tampa as opposed to play with your old pal, Vrabes or as you call him, “Mikey” in Tennessee. I do believe if you had said you would go to Nashville, Tannehill would not have received a new contract. You knew Tampa with its weapons was the place for you and you were right.
Please forgive me for making fun of your BFF, Alex Guerrero. Look, I still think he’s a quack, but he’s your quack and at the age of 43 two you are setting a new standard in the NFL. Whatever you and mini-TB12 are doing is working. I just hope it’s legal. If it isn’t, get rid of your phone – NOW!
I am sorry for doubting your commitment by not attending OTAs and instead choosing to throw a football of a yacht in Monaco sporting your designer whites, that I am sure you never wore again. It was a great throw by the way to Formula 1 driver and Monaco Grand Prix Champion, Daniel Ricciardo. Welker would have dropped it. Ouch!
*Side note – If Brady wins will he name his new boat, SEVEN RINGS?
Sorry for criticizing you for throwing the damn ball out of bounds so much in your last season here. Now, I know the truth. You had a better chance of a completion by the water cooler than on the field.
And most of all sorry for thinking that Tampa was going to end badly for you. I had visions of Willie Mays with the Mets, Michael Jordan with the Wizards and Bobby Orr with the Blackhawks. Shame on me. Tom, can you ever forgive me?
Oh, I will never apologize for Deflategate. Never. Ya did it. And no one cares.
I am sorry Bruce Arians that I doubted your laissez-faire coaching style. “The country club thing never works in the NFL,” I cried. I should have known that Brady would set the right tone for the team. Bruce, you were just lazy eno…ah…smart enough to get out Brady’s way and let him do your job. Smart move. I might even call it genius.
I apologize for making fun of the Artari 2600 you have strapped to your chest during games. It’s not a great look, but neither are you. Who knows, maybe they will start calling you The Frogger, The Space Invader or The Donkey Kong the way they call Bill The Hoodie. Do you Bruce. You’re in the Super Bowl.
So, fellas, please accept my humblest apologies and kick the living crap out of the Chiefs. If you don’t, I’ll take it all back.