(SportsRadio 610) - The Texans stunk it up the night before Christmas, getting blown out at home by the Browns 36-22, squandering a golden opportunity on a day in which the Colts and Jaguars both lost.
To steal a line from The Grinch, it was a 'three-decker sauerkraut toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce.'
Like the Texans' chances of winning after Amari Cooper barbecued their secondary on the first play of the game, this will be short.
The idea that Bobby Slowik and his entire offensive staff had an entire week to prepare for the biggest game of the season and thought trotting out a quarterback-combo was the best idea is beyond comprehension.
What exactly does one tall, lanky dude have over the stalky older one?
Not a damn thing.
OK. In fairness, a bigger arm to overthrow receivers with. Right.
The three words to best describe the worst version of Houston Texans football that 2023 had to offer so far is, and I quote:
"Stink! Stank! Stunk!"
Nobody in the Texans secondary could.
Amari Cooper barbecued anyone that tried to match up with him in man or zone coverage, hauling in 11 receptions for a career-high 265 yards and two touchdowns. He set a franchise record for receiving yards in a game and blah, blah, blah. It was horrible.
While Texans veteran safety Jimmie Ward was part of the barbecuing before leaving the game with a quad injury, he too was a victim of Cooper's.
The Texans got burnt a number of other times, in fact, the Browns hit on seven plays that went for at least 18-yards in the air, including five alone to Cooper that went for at least 21-yards.
Texans head coach DeMeco Ryans summed it up the best he could after the game.
"For Flacco, he had a really good day versus us," Ryans said. "We didn't pressure him at all. He stood back in the pocket. He had all day to throw the football. And, we weren't where we were supposed to be in coverage."
None, apparently.
The Texans didn't get to Joe Flacco once on Sunday, leaving a comfortable and clean pocket for the veteran much of the time. For just the second time in Flacco's career, he threw for 360-plus yards in back to back weeks.
The 16-year veteran hit the Bears for 374 yards last weekend in a 20-17 win. Sunday at NRG stadium he worked the Texans secondary for 368 yards, completing 27-of-42 passes including three touchdowns and two interceptions.
The Texans defensive line hit Flacco 7 times and sacked backup quarterback Dorian Thompson-Robinson once during garbage time.
It was pitiful how good the Texans defense made Flacco and the Browns look with soft coverage and a stubborn philosophy to not matchup their best corner with the Browns best receiver, Amari Cooper.
Cooper cooked cornerback D'Angelo Ross better for a 75-yard touchdown to give the Browns a 14-0 advantage in the second quarter. Derek Stingley, who is playing the best football of his life right now, was matched up on Cedric Tillman at the time, who caught just two of his seven targets on Sunday.
Ryans said after the game that shadowing the opposition's best receiver isn't what the Texans do.
"No, that's not what we do," Ryans said. "When we talk about following guys, it's not a matter of following him, it was a matter of guys playing their coverage well. We've got a guy double-teamed, and he still catches the ball. That's the problem. We've got to play ball better."
Cooper wasn't double-teamed on that particular play and probably should've been, if Ross was going to be a part of the equation. The Texans were up against it with both Ward and Nelson out of the game at the time, but that just simply can't happen.
Ross: 5'9, 190 pounds (if he's 5'9 then I'm going to identify as 6'1. I'm 5'8. In shoes)
Cooper: 6'1, 211 pounds.
He was quite literally the lone bright spot of the day.
Struggling through a poor second season in the league, Pierce hasn't been able to get anything going on the ground. He was back to return kicks for the Texans on Sunday and took one to the house from 98 yards.
The touchdown cut into the early 14-0 deficit to make it a 14-7 Browns lead with 11:51 remaining in the 2nd quarter, but the wheels continued to fall off thereafter.
For the second time in three weeks, the Texans failed to capitalize on an incredible set of circumstances.
Losing week 14 to the Jets 30-6, while the Colts and Jaguars both lost that week, prevented them from entering into a tie with the Jaguars for first place within the division.
With the Jaguars losing to the Ravens last weekend as well, the Texans could've had first place all to themselves with a chance to nail the coffin shut during these final two weeks on last year's division winner.
Failing to take care of business Sunday, while both the Colts and Jaguars lost again, keeps the Texans (all 8-7) status quo, on the outside looking in, setting up an infuriatingly interesting final two weeks of the regular season.
