As the old saying goes, there’s more than one way to skin a cat. But not this way. Never this way.
Chris Long may be a two-time Super Bowl champion and former second overall pick—not to mention a rising star in sports media with over a million followers on Twitter and Instagram. But his credibility goes all the way out the window with one look at his horrifying dishwasher, which, if you have any OCD tendencies, is sure to trigger an instant panic attack.
This distressing photo should be reported to local authorities as a crime against humanity, a diabolical confluence of plates, Tupperware, utensils and cups stacked seemingly at random. Whether this colossal slop is a product of chronic messiness or something more nefarious, it’s hard to see this as anything other than a cry for help, a blatant and shameful disregard for anything resembling coherent structure.
While Long would have you believe plate distribution is a myth, arguing that it all gets cleaned either way, this can’t possibly be the most efficient method. From the looks of it, Long’s philosophy is to jam in as many dishes as possible and hope for the best, risking broken glass and chipped plates, among other safety hazards.
Let’s just hope, for the sake of Long’s family, that he’s more attentive elsewhere in his domestic life, whether it’s folding laundry or vacuuming the floors to the best of his ability. To his credit, it would appear Long at least rinses his dishes in the sink before loading them in the dishwasher, a small concession to neat freaks reviled by his reckless approach to a critically-important household chore.