Former South Carolina QB Chris Smelley’s name isn’t the only thing he wishes he could change right now – if you haven’t heard the story, Smelley was lost at sea for a day last weekend when strong winds blew his kayak far off the shore of the Gulf Coast of Florida, turning his quick fishing trip into a hours-long marooning that saw him rescued just before sundown an estimated three miles out and four or five miles east of where he left from shore.
A happy ending we can now feel okay about discussing, which the Junkies did on Monday.
“I saw this story and I thought about it because when I stayed at this resort in Puerto Rico called Palmas Del Mar, you see all these signs everywhere about riptides,” JP said. “My uncle warned me, that every year there are tourists that end up dying, drowning in certain spots – not necessarily that particular spot, but he kind of gave me just the general, ‘hey, you gotta watch it in certain spots.’ We didn't even actually go to the beach in those three days resort, we just hung at the pool, but I saw those signs and then I saw this story.”
“Here's his major mistake, in my opinion: why are you going kayaking out in the ocean? Shouldn't you be like in a lake, or a bigger boat?” Cakes asked.
“Some people will do it literally like 100 yards off, not that far, and then next thing, you're going against the current, you’re doomed.”
All four Junkies couldn’t believe Smelley didn’t bring his cell phone, Cakes calling it ‘a mega-donk move,’ but ‘I’m also too smart to go out on the ocean in flimsy little kayak.’
“My family likes to do an annual kayak bit where we just light our money on fire for an hour and we go from like, you know, the dock on the bay side to a little contained area, 1000 yards away or whatever,” EB said.
“It takes me forever, I always finish in last place. I can't steer the damn thing. I hate it, it’s miserable – kayaking is the worst experience on Earth.
There’s a mild current, it might be mile an hour and it's enough to make it exhausting.
I know if I got in a kayak in the ocean, I would die.”
Bish said it was ‘just stupid,’ and JP couldn’t believe ‘the arrogance he had in his quotes about being comfortable in the ocean.
“If darkness hits and you spend the night in the ocean, then eight hours later, you're 50 miles out or how much the current takes you, and you have no sense where the coast is, right?” Cakes said. “That’s where you just give up. You just gotta hope you find land somehow. I’d be the worst mariner, trying to figure things out by the stars of the constellations. I wouldn’t have a prayer!”
“So he’s safe, he made it back?” Bish asked. “He won’t do that again! Did they rescue Wilson too?”
You just gotta listen to the Junks have some fun with this donk – listen to it above!