(670 The Score) In a revealing and powerful interview, former NFL running back and current WGN-TV sports anchor Jarrett Payton admitted that the physical pain that came with playing football caused him to have suicidal thoughts while he played at the University of Miami.
Payton, the son of the late Bears legend Walter Payton, made the revelation during an appearance on the Parkins & Spiegel Show on Thursday afternoon after responding to a question about pain tolerance in football. Payton attended Miami from 1999-2003, playing for a series of talented Hurricanes teams, including the 2001 squad that went undefeated and won the national championship. He shared his story from the perspective of what transpired during the 2003 season.
"My last year at Miami, when I played, my first start was against Florida State at Doak Campbell," Payton said. "I had these like little, tiny shoulder pads, DB shoulder pads on. Not like a padded-up running back's shoulder pads. Because I didn't play a lot. So now I'm taking over for Frank Gore. I go out and play, and I crack my collarbone. I knew it but didn't know it. And I played the rest of, like, the next seven games with this cracked collarbone. The pain tolerance of trying to play with it, getting shot up with Toradol just to be able to play, I'll never forget. I'll never, ever forget. We were playing a night game in Blacksburg (at Virginia Tech). I went in to get a shot of Toradol and came back at halftime, and (the injury) was killing me. Like my shoulder, I just couldn't do it. There was no way. I was crying. And I'll never forget telling (teammate) Kellen Winslow Jr., 'I can't go back out if I don't get another one.' And I remember him kicking down the door of the training room and he was like, 'If he doesn't get another shot of Toradol, none of us are going back out there.' The next thing I know, I looked into the room and I saw the docs, they were all scared. And then they're sitting there getting another shot teed up for me to be able to go out.
"You have to be able to have that pain tolerance. If you don't, it can be a rough outing for you on the football field."
Payton acknowledged that doesn't seem like an ethical approach for anyone to take.
"It doesn't, but that's just the truth," Payton said. "That's the truth of the game when you're out there playing and you got to play at that time. As a young kid, I wasn't thinking about it. Now as a grown-up, it probably wasn't the smartest decision. But when this is all you want to do and you play this game, you literally sacrifice everything."
Payton then explained that he had a Toradol shot before each of his final seven games of his final year in college to manage his pain, which was what sent him on a downward spiral at times, he said.
"My shoulder was killing me, man," Payton said. "There were nights – I've never really told anybody this (publicly), but I'm going to tell the whole world now that's all your listeners. There were nights I was thinking about – I lived on like the 21st floor – I was in so much pain and I couldn't get to sleep, I was like, 'Man, I'd rather just end it all than have to deal with this pain, man.' Those are the things that you look back on and you're like, 'Holy cow, the game of football demands so much of you.'"
Payton shed more light on the topic.
"No (brain trauma)," Payton said. "It was really all, just trying to figure out feeling the shoulder, understanding it was hurt, we didn't have enough running backs to be able to play because Frank was hurt. We were limited there, so I had to play. It was a night-to-night basis of trying to figure out with medicine and to find a way to even get comfortable to sleep at night. There were nights I was crying myself to sleep.
"It was my opportunity, man. I was working my butt off to that point. This is it. Sometimes you get one shot.
"If it's something that you love, sometimes you have to sacrifice something for it."
Payton credited his family for getting him through the hard times, noting there wasn't a support system in place back then with the football program to help players through mental health problems.
"It was really just talking to my family, especially my mom," Payton said. "My mom has always been that support system."
