Tuesday, The Athletic ran a comprehensive profile on Lions coach Dan Campbell. Chock with anecdotes about his unlikely affinity for baking (chiefly, his ongoing quest for the perfect flour tortilla) and the time he joined his players for up-downs despite a bad wrist (the result of a mishap involving his dogs Thelma and Louise, both five-pound Teacup Yorkies), Dan Pompeii paints an amusing picture of one of the league’s most beloved characters, a self-proclaimed “dumb jock” who welcomes comparisons to Jeff Bridges in The Big Lebowski.
But amid all those revelations (apparently, his wife has learned to sleep in sweatpants because he keeps the house “meat-locker” cold), the one that stands out most, the singular detail that will have your jaw drop all the way to the floor, is his prolific sweet tooth. As Pompeii discovered, Campbell can throw back a truly astounding quantity of gelato, pounding as many as 2-3 pints of Talenti brand salted caramel truffle—some 960 calories—in one sitting.
Good God man, have you no shame? Clearly Campbell, who spent a decade in the NFL as a blocking tight end for the Lions, Cowboys and Giants before he began coaching, has no concept of moderation, shoveling ice cream down his gullet like Garfield inhaling a casserole of grandma’s homemade lasagna. It stands to reason that Campbell, who stands 6’5” and weighs 260 pounds, would have a larger appetite than most. Still, eating that much of anything is an abomination (not to mention a digestive horror show), even by the most liberal of cheat-day standards.
Of course, that’s all part of Campbell’s eccentric charm, the kind of cartoonish, cult hero that fanbases, especially ones as desperate for a savior as the long-suffering Lions, salivate over. An affable goofball who once spent over two hours signing autographs for fans in a hardware store parking lot (he needed a new air filter), only time will tell if there’s a method to Campbell’s madness. Successful or not, he’s getting our attention, which is more than you can unusually say about the Lions.
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