Robinson Cano is in the early stages of his return from a season-long suspension due to another PED violation, and the joy of being back on the diamond is a far cry from the lows he felt while he was sitting out all of the 2021 campaign.
"To be honest, that's something you don't have the words to describe how bad you feel, not only as an athlete but as a person," Cano told Kirsten Fleming of the New York Post. "You want to disappear.
"Now I know what it feels like when someone has depression."
Cano told Fleming that he would be in tears watching the Mets in 2021, when he wasn't allowed to be with the team after his second violation, which likely solidified his fate of falling short of the Hall of Fame.
"It's hard to watch on TV and know that you have the talent and ability to be out there," Cano said. "Not only performance but being a leader in the clubhouse…sometimes I cried."
When he finally was able to return to the team before spring training this year, Cano told reporters that he planned on apologizing to the team for his suspension, which he carried out in an uncomfortable conversation.
"It's a hard moment," Cano said. "You have to sit in front of your teammates and apologize and talk to them. It's harder than playing baseball. This is something you don't prepare a statement for. You have to say it from the heart."
Now, Cano's attention is on the 2022 season, and proving that he can still produce despite his age and recent inactivity. For him, the hard part is over.
"You don't think about your legacy," Cano said. "You don't have the time to think about anything. All you want is to be playing again. That's something I will leave to the fans. I will do whatever is in my hands to make them clap and cheer for Robby again."
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