This year sucks so far. 2020 served us a global pandemic which protracted the football season, canceled live events and made sneezing in public a crime. It’s times like these we need a sense of normalcy to remind us everything is going to be OK. But the latest prescription drug commercial for dogs I witnessed this morning is anything but normal. I present to you, Apoquel.
There are many frightening aspects to this spot. It’s best to start with the premise. A woman brings her itchy pug into an animal hospital with fears the dog has a serious skin condition. The vet asks “So, what’s going on?” The pug looks up and RESPONDS, “I’m a talking dog.” Anyone else might immediately back away from this sentient pooch and call an exorcist to expel whatever bored demon thought haunting a dog would be fun. But, no. The vet proceeds diagnosing the dog with a skin condition and prescribing Apoquel. What is going through this woman’s mind that normalizes a talking dog? To make matters worse, IT’S WEARING A DAMN BOW TIE.
The vet must be thinking, “Thank goodness Mr. Puggins went formal for his visit! You don’t see too many dogs dress up for appointments!” You also don’t meet many dogs SELF DIAGNOSING SKIN CONDITIONS. The pug even seems aware his gift of gab is reason for concern. Both the veterinarian and owner just shrug it off. “NOTHING TO SEE HERE.”
Scenes then shift to normalizing this seemingly advanced robo-pub from the future. He browses on dog-tinder to find a hot date. The dog has normal lunch conversation with his owner over salad. They’re seen watching a scary movie together. One scene even shows the dog trying on sweaters (presumably getting ready for date with that hot golden retriever he found on dog-tinder…which I guess is a real thing).
You might read this and encourage me to calm down. It’s a commercial. I understand. But with so many parts of normal life out of flux in 2020, it’s the small absolutes that ground me to reality; Dogs don’t talk. Bow ties are generally for people. Dog-tinder is not a real thing (though it’s a good idea).
Hopefully the Pac-12 can get their stuff together and salvage a football season, bringing a familiar image of West Coast college football to my home, Saturdays. Otherwise, I’ll spend this fall scribbling distressed letters to Apoquel demanding evidence that pug can actually talk.