J.J. Watt’s legendary career came to a close this past season, retiring with 114.5 sacks (24th all-time) and three Defensive Player of the Year Awards, the latter tied with Aaron Donald and Lawrence Taylor for the most in NFL history. After having much of his later career derailed by injuries, the Cardinals vet managed to stay relatively healthy throughout his farewell season (save for a heart scare that required emergency defibrillation), registering a team-high 12.5 sacks, his most since 2018.

Despite receiving countless tributes, with fans and media both acknowledging Watt as a future first-ballot Hall-of-Famer and one of the greatest pass-rushers of his era, word of his retirement must not have reached the league offices, as evidenced by this text message requesting the 33-year-old submit to a random drug screening, testing for HGH and other banned substances.
The wheels of change tend to move at a glacial pace (particularly in the convoluted world of corporate America), making it easy for developments like Watt’s retirement to slip through the cracks. Is the NFL, in its endless jumble of administrative red tape, really this disorganized, or was the text message meant as a subtle reminder for Watt to file the proper documents to make his retirement official? Watt displayed his unfamiliarity with this process earlier this month, expressing surprise—and perhaps mild annoyance—at having to fill out more paperwork.
While retirement “papers” like the ones submitted by Tom Brady aren’t strictly necessary, they’re helpful in accelerating pensions and other benefits afforded to former players. During his recent podcast appearance on Pardon My Take, Watt joked about potentially trying marijuana, which he had previously abstained from, fearing the looming prospect of a failed drug test and subsequent league discipline. Former punter-turned-media personality Pat McAfee kicked off his post-playing career in similar fashion, experimenting with Adderall literally on the day of his retirement in 2017.
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