Do politics matter when you’re looking for a significant other? For many, political beliefs are a key factor.
While people used to be encouraged to avoid divisive topics in the early stages of a relationship, for some people, opposing political views can be a dealbreaker for a good relationship. That’s according to Felana Randall, a marriage and family therapist, and author of Becoming the Female Hunter: The Modern Woman’s Guide to Inner Healing and Lasting Love.
“Now, because things have become so divisive, it can actually be beneficial to know something that may be a dealbreaker earlier on,” Randall said on KMOX’s Total Information AM.
Especially since the pandemic began, she added, things have gotten even more polarized in some cases. “It hurts some families because some couples and families actually lost family members to extreme beliefs and conspiratorial thinking, whatever that means for you,” Randall explained.
Randall said that in addition to political divisiveness, social media can be trouble for people navigating the dating scene — the ability to compare oneself so easily can lead to poor self esteem and unrealistic expectations.
“That creates a situation where people are rushing to romance and not choosing partners wisely, because there's this pressure for long term commitment,” she said. “And then we come together, we experience more attachment trauma, and reinforce whatever negative beliefs or negative ideas we have about love and relationships. And then that's only amplified by whatever attachment trauma that you may have experienced in your life with your parents or previous partners.”
Attachment trauma, she explained, qualifies as anything in a long term, healthy relationship where someone creates betrayal or hurt that causes the relationship to end. That includes feelings of abandonment or rejection, or harsh criticism from a partner.
Social media can also spread ideas about what a “high value partner” looks like. For some, that’s a person who makes a certain amount of money or a certain job or social status.
“Sometimes that high value really means an emptiness in the heart,” Randall said. “And I'm not making judgments about what anyone does, it's just to say that when you are spending that much energy focused on these things, you're maybe not paying as much attention to some of these deeper traits that you probably could benefit from.”
Hear more from marriage and family therapist Felana Randall on her advice for dating and relationships in 2023:
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