Historically, the care and advocacy for autistic children have rested primarily on mothers' shoulders. This disparity is deeply reflected in the data, with a major study published in the journal Autism finding that among parents participating in support groups, 86% of respondents were mothers, compared to just 7% who were fathers.
“It’s always the mothers or grandmothers,” said “Autism Mom”, Sheletta Brundidge. “I’ve experienced in my work that it’s the men who have the hardest time accepting the diagnosis.”
But Saturday, July 11, at an interior lock giveaway that Brundidge hosted in St. Paul, she said the dads proved her wrong. “In the ten years I’ve been on the front lines of this autism work, I’ve never seen this,” Brundidge said. “I had more fathers than mothers show up.”
Through her nonprofit, ShelettaMakesADifference.org, Brundidge brought 100 interior combination locks to give away to parents at the Hallie Q Brown Community Center.
“Kids with autism are 160 times more likely to get out of the house and drown than any other group,” said Brundidge, who has three children on the autism spectrum. Her youngest had a strong tendency to wander. “I’d be trying to take a bath or trying to shower, and neighbors would bring him in, and I didn’t even know he was gone,” Brundidge recalled.
The St. Paul gathering marked Brundidge’s eighth lock giveaway event since 2024. She routinely invites her ex-husband, Shawn, to speak to other fathers from his unique perspective as a parent of three children on the autism spectrum.
“There’s space to be held for fathers of autistic children,” said Shawn Brundidge. “I don’t want to say we suffer in silence, but we don’t connect the same way as women do. When you can offer a lock and how to install it, you can connect with these men as a handyman and a protector.”
One of the dads Brundidge talked to was Charles Barr, who welcomed the lock to protect his autistic son. “We have hung wind chimes on the door, so when the door is open, they sing. But those are too startling.” Barr was equally thankful for the insight and encouragement. “I’m just grateful that they’re being such advocates and showing me there is hope for him.”
Nour Adow, another dad from Northeast Minneapolis, picked up a lock and talked to organizers at the event about his 7-year-old son Ebrahim, who was diagnosed with severe autism at the age of 3. Adow and his wife learned from Ebrahim’s doctor about the event hosted by Brundidge and the interior combination door locks that can be programmed from the inside with a 6- to 10-digit code. Adow was glad he attended.
“I learned that special needs children also have the potential to become independent to some degree and grow out of their limitations,” Adow explained.
Along with free locks, the dads and attendees at the event enjoyed arm painting, balloon animals, and an ice cream truck. But perhaps the most important takeaway, especially for the dads, was going home with hope, the lifeblood of autistic parents and caregivers.
“That somebody like Sheletta holds an event like this is really important,” Adow said. “She is not only an activist, but an activist who lives the lives that parents who are raising children with autism and other related conditions are going through. So, she really understands what is needed.”
For autism resources, future giveaway events, and information on how to donate to help pay for locks here.
