Nobody on this planet could possibly find David Price's bone-dry sarcasm amusing or enjoyable. He is joyless, not even offering a faint smirk when begins his passive-aggressive routine.
Yet, some insist they are down with Price. They do think it's funny, or at least, interesting, when he verbally spits on questions from reporters without any sort of wit or humor.
They all must be lying.
It's apparent Price has dropped any pretense that he can even tolerate Boston. He loathes the fans who cheer him and beat writers who defend him. So now, he's not even pretending to play along.
That's completely fine, provided Price continues to pitch well. In his last nine starts, Price is 7-1 with a 2.72 ERA. He held the Angels to one run over six innings with seven strikeouts Tuesday, setting up a highly anticipated matchup against the Yankees Sunday night. As John Tomase notes, it's maybe the biggest start of Price's Red Sox career. The $217 million man is 2-5 with a 7.42 ERA in eight starts against the Bombers while sporting a Sox uniform.
In Price's last start against the Yankees, he asked out after a one-inning, four-run performance, citing numbness in his fingers. He was unavailable for the following Sox-Yanks series in May, due to carpal tunnel syndrome. It was speculated Price got carpal tunnel from playing too much Fortnite, the popular video game where you kill zombies, or something.
With that history in mind, it's easy to figure out what Price was trying to do with the media Tuesday. This wasn't George Carlin in his prime. Instead of answering questions about his upcoming outing against the Bombers, Price responded with criticisms that callers and hosts give him on talk radio.
Brilliant.
"I don't think I'll be able to go, so I don't think so," he said about his status for Sunday.
Literally nobody laughed. There may have been a couple of strained smiles, but only because of the awkwardness of the situation.
A reporter even helped Price out, blurting out "Fortnite" in an apparent effort to set up the big finish.
It was an exercise in futility.
"Yeah, Fortnite," Price said sternly, before walking away.
WATCH: David Price on @NESN asked about pitching in prime time this Sunday against the Yankees. Sarcastically: "I don't think I'll be able to go."Man this is awkward. pic.twitter.com/KbL3FelBQI
— David Wade (@davidwade) June 27, 2018Nobody could possibly find that routine amusing. There was no delivery, no smile, no effort to engage. It was almost as painful as Price's exchange with reporters after a solid start against the Blue Jays May 29.
Even after a win, David Price annoyed with the media "I'm soft..If it's cold I can't pitch, if my hands tingling can't do my job, that's it."Follow up question: Is LeBron soft?"No LeBron isn't soft he's the king." pic.twitter.com/KMQInvf3Se
— Chad Amaral (@chad_amaral) May 28, 2018Yet, our good friend Evan Drellich writes that Price's "sarcasm is sublime." He says there's "allure in the opaque."
No, not really. Price just doesn't like anybody. I like analyzing complicated figures as much as the next latte-sipping liberal, but there just don't appear to be any layers to Price. He's bitter and angry about Boston, because people criticize him on social media and the radio.
So as a result, he's not answering questions. Mystery solved.
On NESN's postgame show, Tim Wakefield said he thinks Price is "funny." But he struggled to defend his apparent lie. When asked about why he thinks Price is so hilarious, Wakefield sheepishly threw up his arms, nervously smirked and reiterated that he just, you know, thinks Price is "funny." (Dennis Eckersley retweeted my observation about Wakefield, so you know I'm right.)
Barstool Sports' Jared Carrabis, meanwhile, tweeted that Price's schtick is "nourishment."
There's an attraction in rooting for the anti-hero. Look at Tony Soprano; Stringer Bell; Kirk Minihane. But what's galvanizing about Price, who might be the most bitter man who's ever been guaranteed $217 million?
He dislikes the media. That's great. An amusing act must contain more than animosity.
