I grew up with two older sisters and a single mom, but instead of playing with dolls and wearing lace dresses I somehow became the kind of rabid sports fan that screams at the TV, the kind of hip-hop fan that speaks in song lyrics and the person who packs for a trip and brings more sneakers than outfits.
This is a roundabout way of saying that ever since I was a little tyke following my older sister around like a shadow, I’ve loved hip-hop culture and the NFL. To be specific, I’ve loved the Dallas Cowboys. I know it seems strange for a girl growing up in Portland, Oregon to become a stan for America’s Team, but when you grow up in a state without a pro football team? You gravitate to flash things like silver and blue and big-ass stars, especially when that’s your big sister’s team.
And now that I’ve been in sports media for 10 years, interviewed hundreds of pro football players and covered four Super Bowls, football is as much a part of my life as breathing the crisp fall air. Or now that I live on the East Coast, breathing the thick and sticky hurricane air.
So, in the spirit of starting a blog series on my top takeaways from every NFL Sunday, I thought I would incorporate the hottest album of the year (Drake’s Certified Lover Boy) to get into each of this week’s big storylines.
Papi’s Home: Dak is Back
Remember all those people arguing whether the Cowboys should’ve given Dak Prescott the bag? The people who said Dak couldn’t make the type of throws that elite QBs in the league could? That a year after a horrific leg injury, a shoulder injury and no preseason action, he would fail on the big stage?
LOL he just served all the haters a big steaming cup of STFU. That man just lit up a Super Bowl champion defense like a roman candle.
He put up ungodly numbers and it was clear that after the plethora of dog shit quarterbacks that Jerry trotted out last year, we Cowboy fans (and truthfully any football fan with a pair of working eyes) know that “Papi is home.”
Stats? 400 yards and 3 TDs in 58 passes. His throws? Darts in tight windows. He was never rattled. He was cool as a cucumber in a Frigidaire. He even took off a few times to get out of pressure in his first start since OCTOBER 2020. Are you kidding me?
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DADDY is home and it looks like Dallas just might be better than we thought. If it weren’t for Greg “The Broken Leg” Zuerlein’s multiple botched kicks, or hell, the badly missed offensive pass interference call on Chris Godwin, Dallas would have beaten the defending champs on their turf. On ring night. It's no longer taking the NFC East that’s in reach, this team could actually go deep into the playoffs.
As a Cowboys fan, after last year, if that doesn’t give you some excitement, go see a doctor.
Way 2 Sexy: The Cardinals are SEXY AF
Maybe Drake should have replaced Kawhi in his video of Way 2 Sexy with Chandler Jones, because damnnnn that man was on FIRE Sunday. FIVE SACKS. In a game for the ages, Jones also had four more tackles for losses. He led an Arizona defense that was so good nearly a quarter of all Titans plays ended up losing yards. Chandler spent more time in the Titans backfield than Derrick Henry and spent more time with his arms around Ryan Tannehill than Ryan’s wife, Lauren.
And now the Cards will be everyone’s sexy pick out West. Kyler Murray threw four TDs, both running backs had over 50 yards, and four receivers had 43 or more yards. That offense has more balance than Simone Biles.
And if they keep playing okay, alright, that's fine, okay, the rest of the league’s getting put on notice.
The Remorse: Aaron Rodgers Gets Revenge on the Wrong Team
“No mercy for what we are doing. No thought to even what we have done
We don't need to feel the sorrow. No remorse for the helpless one. War without end”
When you read these lyrics do you immediately think of the Packer organization in regards to how they’ve treated Aaron Rodgers throughout his career? I know I do. Things have gotten to the point where Aaron is doing his best Drake impression like “I might come, I might go, I don’t know.”
Forgive me for thinking Aaron Rodgers is going to make the Packers feel some sort of remorse before he bolts in free agency this summer. Rodgers told Erin Andrews that he didn’t want to cause any distractions, but if anyone looked distracted this week, it was last year’s MVP. That’s not fair. Maybe a better way to say it is that he was very locked in. Locked in on showing the Packers what life will look like with Jordan Love running the show, given that he got benched after throwing 2 interceptions including one in the red zone.
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Maybe the Packers should have given this man more of a say (at least more weapons) instead of disrespecting him by drafting his successor well before he was ready to hang his cleats up. This doesn’t seem like “The Last Dance” as much as it feels like “I Know What You Did Last Summer.” And when Rodgers wins a couple Super Bowls in some place like Atlanta while Love does his best Andy Dalton impression, one thing is dead certain:
There's going to be a lot of remorse and atonement in Green Bay.
Love All: Jameis’ Middle Finger to the Haters
As the song goes, critics turned their backs on Jameis for no good reason. Well actually, there were 30 good reasons. LOL. 33 touchdowns and 30 interceptions is maybe the wildest stat I’ve ever seen from a quarterback. Of course that’s why he lost his job to the GOAT, Ryan Fitzmagic, then to add insult to injury, they replaced both of them with some 43 year old dude.
And then, Jameis woke up one day and realized, “loyalty is priceless and it's all I need.” He didn’t bitch. He didn’t complain. He got to WORK (i.e. fixed his horrible eyesight) and now, if he keeps winning in New Orleans? They’ll build a statue of him on Bourbon Street.
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Did anyone expect this from Jameis on his first day back in the saddle? 5 touchdowns? Not just going up against the MVP but dominating and beating a team that some people thought might go undefeated? Jameis did. He’s always been one of the most gifted QBs in the league and now he’s got a chance to prove those haters wrong with one of the best head coaches in the business. Jameis is going to love all his teammates equally and hopefully get a shitload of Ws this season.
You know the old saying: Revenge is a dish best served like crab legs. Cold.
Get Along Better: Cleveland Browns Are For Real, For Real
Sure the Chiefs won, but you know what? The Cleveland Browns are for REAL. Like they might be too real, too real.
Baker and the Browns put Kansas City on the ropes early and often. They led by two scores for most of the game and it took another great comeback from the best team in football to keep them from snatching a W on the road. Nick Chubb is a beast, Kareem Hunt might be the best No. 2 running back in football, Baker spread the ball out to his receivers like warm butter on toast and the defense held all those deadly Chiefs weapons in check except Tyreek Hill, who had like a billion yards.
Cleveland fans for once aren’t thinking, same old Browns. No, for the first time since… Bernie Kosar? Jim Brown? Otto Freaking Graham? They’re saying, trust me, this ain't 'bout revenge, when deep down, revenge is all that’s on their minds.
Look out, Cleveland is for real.
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Folks, that’s just WEEK ONE. So many other stories. Joey Burrow is BACK. The Miami defense got better. Rookie QBs throwing darts left and right. And I didn’t even say anything about the “fu--ing fans.” We got fans back in the stadiums!!!!
Maybe adding an extra game to this season was EXACTLY what we needed after all.
See you next Monday.
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