With all these sports movie lists going around these days - especially baseball movies (with the season on permanent hold) - I figured I'd take a crack at making my own all-star team made up of fictional baseball movie characters. So no Shoeless Joe Jackson even though Field of Dreams was a fictional movie.
A few disclaimers:
While I am a bit of a sports movie junkie, there are some baseball movies with which I’m not that familiar – Mr. 3000 and Mr. Baseball, for example.
I do play favorites. Rational real-life arguments - “he has to be better; she’s a girl!” - will not be accepted. Suspension of disbelief is encouraged.
My initial intent was to keep it at one player per movie/team but third base was a problem so I put together an expanded roster (there really are a ton of compelling pitchers) along with a manager and coaches.
C - Crash Davis, Bull Durham Minor League career HR record (don’t think Adam Hyzdu ever passed him), produced key rainout to stop/start streak, developed his project, stuck to his “beliefs,” gets Susan Sarandon.
1B – Clu Haywood, Major League I know he’s on “the other team” but he did lead the league in BA, HRs, RBIs and nose hair and was nice enough to strike out near the end; plus Pete Vuckovich is a Cy Young winner from Johnstown and Clarion not to mention one-time Pirates pitching coach!
2B – Marla Hooch, League Of Their Own What a hitter!
SS – Benny “The Jet” Rodriguez, Sandlot 5-Tool Superstar with a heart of gold. He was nice to Smalls and he challenged The Beast!
3B – Doris Murphy, League Of Their Own Best of a mediocre lot; much tougher than Roger Dorn at the hot corner.
LF – Pedro Cerrano, Major League While he never did accept Jesus Christ as his personal savior Pedro did finally forsake Jobu with spectacular results. Only member of this team to go on to be President (“24”).
CF – Kelly Leak, Bad News Bears Runaway winner in a strong category; so intimidating that even opposing coach Vic Morrow (my childhood hero, Sgt. Saunders in Combat!) was afraid of him.
RF – Roy Hobbs, The Natural Took him a while to get on the field but once he did not even the delightfully devious Robert Prosky could stop him. Only other member of team besides The Jet to knock the cover off the ball. Sadly, his heroics came at the expense of … you know it, the Pirates.
Bench:
C Dottie Hinson, League Of Their Own If she hadn’t dropped the ball at the end she’s my starter.
1B Stan Ross, Mr 3000 Hey, he almost had 3,000 hits!
1B Lou Collins, Little Big League He scored the manager’s cute mom plus I’ve always felt sorry for him since Bruce Willis made him fall into the Allegheny in Striking Distance.
2B/SS Mickey Dominguez, Summer Catch “Fez” looked like he could play a little bit plus Beverly D”Angelo was his house mom!
3B Roger Dorn, Major League Provided hats for Pedro’s bats and finally grew a set toward the end; narrowly beat out “the goat at third base” from The Scout.
OF Myles Dalrymple, Summer Catch Solid bat, nice catch to the preserve the no-hitter plus Marc Blucas is a basketball player from NW PA (Girard).
OF Archibald “Moonlight” Graham, Field Of Dreams Shoeless Joe said he was good; that’s enough for me; plus if anyone chokes on a hot dog, he’s money.
OF Wesley Snipes Willie Mays Hayes in Major League and Bobby Rayburn in The Fan; cannot leave him out!
Starting Pitchers
Steve Nebraska, The Scout Didn’t just pitch a perfect game but an immaculate game - 81 strikes, plus 2 home runs, vs the Cardinals; the Pirates needed this guy in 2013 (and every year)!
Billy Chapel, For The Love Of The Game Goes out in style with a perfect game (albeit without 27 K’s); gets Kelly Preston.
Ryan Dunne, Summer Catch Stubborn lefty gets it for once but passes up no-hitter to chase Jessica Biel, still gets her and a pro contract.
Calvin “Nuke” LaLoosh, Bull Durham Stubborn fireballer finally listens, makes meteoric rise to majors, gets Susan Sarandon (in real life).
King Kelly, It Happens Every Spring Professor Simpson invents a substance that repels wood, changes his name, doctors balls and is unhittable until his “hair tonic” disappears; so campy, it's tremendous.
Middle Relief
Eddie Harris, Major League Devout Christian, yet chronic cheater; a gamer near the end of the line, always has one more in him.
Amanda Whurlitzer, Bad News Bears Takes no crap from Buttermaker, staves off Kelly Leak’s advances, could have used a pitch count.
Kit Keller, League Of Their Own Farm strength from milking cows with sister Dottie, good arm, bad temper but when controlled her feistiness a plus.
LOOGY (lefthanded one out guy) Hobbs, of course! (although in this movie "Babe Ruth" aka The Whammer was righthanded)
Back End
Calvin Knight, Summer Catch Best closer in the Cape League, well-rested because he sleeps through the first 7 innings, finishes Dunne’s no-no.
Ricky Vaughn, Major League Intimidating specs complete his arsenal, sits in high 90s can hit triple digits, unknowingly gets Dorn’s wife, gets punched.
Henry Rowengartner, Rookie Of The Year Rubber arm after surgery, makes Clemente-like throw from bleachers, gives then-hapless Cubs hope.
Manager Guffy McGovern, Angels In The Outfield (Pittsburgh version) Deserves to manage a star-studded roster.
Bench Coach Jimmy Dugan, League Of Their Own Knows how to get the best out of his players; brash on the surface but a softie underneath
Bench Coach Billy Heywood, Little Big League Knows the game/players better than the adults
Pitching Coach Larry Hockett, Bull Durham Can’t really handle Nuke LaLoosh but no one is better in a mound conference.
Bullpen Coach Phil Brickma, Rookie Of The Year Completely indecipherable thanks to ever-present chaw, perfect for relievers.
Hitting Coach Lou Brown, Major League Got Hayes to stop hitting pop-ups.
