Jarren Duran talks mental health
Moments before Jarren Duran stood on the first base line, getting ready to stare at the enormous American flag draped over Fenway Park's left field wall, he reflected on what it all might mean.
"I definitely feel like it will be an emotional thing for me," Duran told WEEI.com. "I will try and hold it in for the cameras if they get me crying on the field."
Sure enough.
"I was definitely tearing up on the field," he said a few days after the experience. "It’s a good thing I had my glasses so nobody could see me. It actually hit more than I thought it would, which is kind of crazy because I knew it was going to hit me hard. But it definitely hit me more than I thought it would."
There was a reason for the emotions.
The military and love for his country has long been in Duran's fabric, dating back to when his initial goal coming out of high school was to be a Navy SEAL. Then there were his family members - including brother Jacob - who spent time in the Army.
For the outfielder, that moment at the Fenway home opener made it call bubble up.
"I’m thinking about my brother, my Mom’s brothers, who were in the Army, and all the people who do things for me I don’t even know who let me play baseball," he said. "I have some buddies that do it right now, so just thinking about all of them and hoping they stay safe. I’m thankful they do what they do so I can do what I do for a living."
That, however, is just a small glimpse into Duran's mindset. For what level of passion the military holds for the 27-year-old, the conversation turns to what still might be. Yes, Duran - the major leaguer on the verge of stardom - isn't ruling out a time where the a stint in the military pushes baseball to the backburner.
"It still does. I still do think about it all the time," he said in reference to thoughts of joining the military. "At the end of the day I feel like they are doing so much for me, it’s like why am I so special that they get to fight for my freedom but I don’t get to fight for other people’s freedom. It’s just a personal thing I have that I think about it all the time. Who knows? Maybe it will, maybe I won’t. But it is still a thought that creeps into my mind.
"Personally, that’s how I feel. For right now it’s just a thought. But, who knows, it could be an action eventually."
When it comes to this line of thinking, there is one standard bearer: The late Pat Tillman.
Duran was just 5 years old when Tillman left his career as a player in the National Football League to enlist in the Army at the age of 25, eight months after the attack on the Sept. 11, 2011 attack on the World Trade Center.
In exactly one week, it will be 20 years since Tillman was tragically killed in Afghanistan. It's a memory - and story - that Duran has long been fascinated with, and inspired by.
"As we were talking, that’s who I was thinking of, Pat Tillman. He went out and did that," Duran said in reference to the former Arizona Cardinals' safety choosing service to his country over professional sports. "There are football guys who did their service and came back and did service. It’s just something that has always been in my heart. It’s kind of hard to explain, but it’s a personal thing to want to help people and do something meaningful.
"I have always been a big fan of him and what he did. That takes a lot for somebody to stop what they’re doing professionally as a job to go and defend us. That speaks to me, personally. What he did is something I would want to do. I don’t know if it is going to happen right now, but it’s something that could happen down the road if I need to or if I want to. It’s still up in the air."
For now, the career switch is just a thought.
Duran's baseball career is certainly trending in the right direction, with the outfielder hitting .300 with a .745 OPS and six stolen bases in his first 17 games.
But the pull is real. So much so that he is keeping an eye on that age limit to join the SEALs.
"They might have changed it, but as far as I know it I think it’s still 28," Duran said with a chuckle. "I will have to check up on it."