HOLLAND (WWJ) - A thief wanted for allegedly pillaging electronics and high-end liquor bottles from a West Michigan bar is getting roasted on social media after the business posted their hilarious version of how the crime went down.
Itty Bitty Bar manager Michael Barber told Mlive he was upset when he discovered the neighborhood bar, located on Ottawa Beach Road near Holland State Park in Ottawa County, had been burglarized on Wednesday, July 26.
The incident occurred after his employees had gone home and no one was in the building when the suspect broke in.
At first Barber believed the thief only took food, but when he reviewed surveillance footage, he discovered the suspect went on a what he calls a “shopping spree" and strolled around the business putting items in an Aldi bag.
Then he went on Facebook to inform others about the incident and offer a $1,000 reward for the burglar's arrest and conviction -- but it's how Barber wrote the post, and his making fun of the burglar, that captured the attention of many.
"In the wee wee hours of Wednesday morning a Mission Impossible style burglary occurred at Itty Bitty Bar," Barber started off. "Our suspect strolled in on a two wheeler like a quiet kitten, pulled a ladder from our storage area and scaled to the roof. Recognizing he was no match for our laser-guided , temperature-sensing, weight-adjusted alarm system, he proceeded to just open the back door instead."
Barber said the man used a crowbar to get into the business and "like a wealthy debutante, he strolled thru [sic] the aisle picking things up and placing them back, skipping the clearance rack to choose only the Louis Vuitton’s of the bar business."
The manager said the man took bottles of Patron, Cincoro, Grey Goose and an 18-year-old Glenlivet from the bar as well as a few high-end electronics, all together estimated at $2,000.
"Being bushed from a long morning of shopping our suspect made his way to the kitchen having worked up quite an appetite," Barber continued in his post.
The thief was caught on camera rummaging through the cooler, knocking over a case of shrimp, before getting his prize -- dessert.
"Our delicious peanut butter pie," Barber wrote. "With the patience of Job, he realized this was incomplete. What goes good with peanut butter pie, you ask? Obviously whipped cream -- ahhhh NOW it’s dessert. Stuffed from his extra helping of pie, it was time to burn off those calories. Back on his bike to ride off into the sunrise! The End."
Only, it wasn't the end. Barber's post quickly caught the attention of social media users who found his tale of events entertaining.
"I don't know who wrote this, but in my head it was narrated in the voice of Robert Stack," one user wrote. "I hope they get the loser."
"Sorry his happened, but when is your book coming out? I cant wait to read more of it," another poster said.
"Hate that this happened to you guys! But this post deserves to go viral...so descriptive," another post read,
Barber told Mlive he wasn't trying to be malicious when he wrote the post, which has so far garnered hundreds of shares and likes.
The manager said there are family homes near the bar and that he'd rather his business be targeted than a house with children, but he does believe the burglar should be held responsible.
"It could always be worse,” he told MLive/The Grand Rapids Press. “At the end of the day, it’s just money."
The Ottawa County Sheriff's Office got involved in the case on Friday. An investigation is ongoing at this time.
Barber finished off his post with a creative description of the suspect.
"He’s a movie buff, likes the finer things in life, single malts, vodka martinis. A music aficionado (Sonos speakers he borrowed) has a sweet tooth, allergic to shellfish. Disclaimer: do not approach the suspect as he is in possession of tequila and we all know tequila nights never end well," Barber wrote. "More pics will follow but they are not great. Before peeps start asking, alarm was off for commercial cleaning company, yes he was smart and moved cameras so we couldn’t see him well. He is wearing an ASICS jacket and matching gym pants."
Barber has asked if anyone knowns anything about the incident to please email ittybittybar1136@gmail.com.
"If prosecuted, you get a grand in cash, thank you," he added.