In partnership with the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP), Audacy presents I'm Listening: Talk Away the Dark, a limited series with host David O'Leary featuring intimate conversations on grief, loss, and suicide. For our first discussion in the series, David is joined by AFSP Chief Medical Officer, Dr. Christine Moutier and Paul Augustyniak board chair of the AFSP Tennessee chapter.
LISTEN NOW: Talk Away the Dark: How to Have Open and Honest Conversations with Loved Ones
In our lives, when we see someone who may be struggling, the worry often is that saying the wrong thing or saying anything at all may make matters worse -- although simply reaching out can make a world of difference.
Joining us to expound on this topic is Dr. Christine Moutier, Medical Director for AFSP, who knows firsthand the impact of suicide. While in training early in her medical career at the University of California, Dr. Moutier experienced a series of tragic losses, leading to her work in the field.
Chair of the Tennessee chapter of the organization, Paul Augustyniak, also comes to us with a life-altering experience after losing his wife of over three decades just a few years ago, to discuss his coordination of the Healing Conversations Program, giving survivors of suicide loss opportunities to speak with others who have had similar experiences.
“Over the last couple of years, pandemic and whatnot,” says Paul, “I think individuals who never gave a thought to their mental health have been able to talk about mental health -- anxiety, depression, however you want to label it -- in a way that they couldn't until very, very recently.”
Dr Moutier agrees, adding, “I think our culture is opening up tremendously around the topic of mental health. I think the work that we are here to talk about today, in a way, is really: ‘What does that mean for us in our daily lives, in our real relationships with family members, with colleagues, friends?' It's one thing for us to be hearing on media and in shows we watch and the topic of mental health is ‘mental health is valid, it's real, it's as pivotally impactful in our lives as is our physical health.’ But that doesn't mean we have a lot of practice with putting that into action and having real conversations where we know that these are helpful things to talk about, how to talk about aspects of struggle, or loss, or grief, or anxiety.”
“There's so much nuance around the how to do it,” she continues. "So I think when I'm asked, ‘Why does suicide remain such a tragic loss of life in our lives and in our nation, even while these attitudes are opening up and the culture is changing?' I think the gap is still in, what does it mean for our daily lives? What do we put into action in our daily lives as human beings, as individuals, but also in our workplaces and in all of the other platforms that we have?”
Oftentimes, the worry of saying the wrong thing can hold people back from reaching out when their advice and companionship could be life-changing. Paul, who lost his wife, Alice, just a few years ago to suicide shared his own experience.
“First, I think it's important to note that this is a sudden loss and a massive trauma for myself, for our family, and in that sense, it's very difficult,” he explains. “From everything that I know about our family and everything I know about the work that we've been doing, this is the first time that there had been at least a suicide talked about in our family. So, no one really knows and no one really knew what the approach should be, how to approach us. That leads to some isolation, seclusion, and we didn't really know what to do.”
“It’s difficult I think for people who have experienced someone who has a suicide in their life, whether it's someone incredibly close to them, like Alice for myself and our family, or if it's an extended relative,” he continues, “just not knowing exactly what to say, not knowing what the approach is because suicide is still very taboo in our society. I think it's getting better and there are a lot of ways that I know AFSP talks about how can we make the conversation easier as it relates to loss. I will tell you in my case, it took a year or maybe, certainly some months to just come to grips with the word suicide. I remember asking one of my two adult sons: ‘I don't know how to describe this; I don't know what to say, I don't know how to talk about it.’"
“That was a process,” he admits, “and I think for some folks both on the receiving end and also on the sending end it's a little bit difficult. I know personally I've grown to talk about and be able to talk about suicide more, to be able to talk about what happened to Alice, to talk about what happened to our family, and just allowing people that space to come in is really important.”
Listen to the full conversation above, and visit I'm listening.org for resources to support your mental health.
Related
AFSP and Audacy’s Talk Away the Dark series aims to give real-world insight into how having brave and caring conversations with loved ones about mental health and suicide prevention can help save lives. Through a series of open and honest discussions with influencers and mental health experts, we’ll demonstrate the importance of talking to people directly about suicide and show how those conversations help provide hope.
Audacy's I’m Listening initiative aims to encourage those who are dealing with mental health issues to understand they are not alone. If you or anyone you know is struggling with depression or anxiety, know that someone is always there. Additionally, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week at 988. Find a full list of additional resources here.