I had so much fun putting together an (expanded) All-Star baseball movie roster – and spending a lot of time going down various YouTube/Fandango rabbit holes – that in the words of Jimmy Chitwood “I figure it’s ‘bout time” I do the same with basketball. As with baseball, once I got started, I just couldn’t stop so there so there is a lot here.
First of all, there are a significant number of not just NBA players but All Stars and Hall of Famers who, in their primes, played fictional characters. So, I made a separate team of those guys which was pretty easy to do, especially since they’d win at least one NBA title.
After that, I will go all over the place since some notable basketball characters border on the absurd or go downright past it and deserve some kind of mention. Also, as imposing as they were, no Monstars made the list, plus they lost anyway. Space Jam will be represented, however – and it’s not Michael Jordan since he plays himself – a real player as you may recall.
I stick to characters on the protagonist teams since both Blue Chips and The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh are overrun with real players on opposing teams. Somehow the Pittsburgh Pisces beat LA even though the LA team had Kareem, Connie Hawkins and Lou Hudson among others (maybe it was Tark’s coaching).
16 movies are represented, some dubiously, plus one classic TV show.
Pro Division - Better Players Than Actors
C Neon Boudeaux, Blue Chips (1994) Shaquille O’Neal dominates in an Algiers barn, passes culturally biased SAT then dominates at Western U. He didn’t even want the car.
PF Raymond, White Men Can’t Jump (1992) Didn’t always make out so well on the playground (or when trying to rob a convenience store) but he’s Marques Johnson for goodness sake. Plus, I needed to include this scene. Parental Advisory/NSFW
SF Moses Guthrie, The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh (1979) Forget the astrologer, Julius Erving was able to lift that bunch of misfits against that LA team?
SF Leroy “Hustler” Monroe, Fast Break (1979) Bernard King is one of the ringers on an upstart college basketball team in Nevada coached by New Yorker Gabe Kaplan. Awful 70s movie but Gabe did put together a solid squad even if they almost got busted.
SF/SG Ricky Roe, Blue Chips (1994) Matt Nover doesn’t have an NBA resume but he played 15 years overseas and I need a token white guy. He was good at Indiana and he and his dad drove a tough recruiting bargain getting a big John Deere tractor and a duffle bag full of cash. Plus, he was from French Lick so we get to see Larry Bird’s basketball court in front of his mom’s house
SG Jesus Shuttlesworth, He Got Game (1998) Ray Allen leads a Lincoln High team featuring teammates Travis Best, John Wallace, Walter McCarty and a guy who now has a major supporting role on The Good Doctor. The– umm – double team he received on a recruiting visit has to be one those click-bait “most paused movie scenes.”
SG/PG Butch McCrae, Blue Chips (1994) Penny Hardaway battles through homesickness to adjust to life on an L.A. campus. His mom’s new job and new house certainly helped matters.
PG Uncle Drew, Uncle Drew (2018) Kyrie Irving can be a polarizing NBA figure but even in old dude make-up and costume he routinely posterizes cocky NYC playground stars in this suspension-of-disbelief instant classic.
Tweeners (These actors played D-1 so too good for the Amateur)
G Tommy “Preacher” White, Fast Break (1978) Michael Warren, who played on the (then) Alcindor UCLA teams and won 3 NCAA titles, was 32 when he portrayed this college player on Kaplan’s team. He was actually 33-years old as a HS student in an episode of The White Shadow
F Tom Sheppard, Above The Rim (1994) Former HS legend turned security guard and older brother of gang leader (Tupac), Shep comes out of hoops retirement to play against Tupac’s team at a big playground tournament, leads his team to victory, then gets shot for his trouble. He survives but Tupac does not (talk about art imitating life). I played against this actor, Leon, a few times 35-40 years ago; he’s good, played briefly at Loyola-Marymount. (MAJOR Parental Advisory/NSFW)
F/G Halawai, The Air Up There (1994) Dwight McGhee, White Men Can’t Jump (1992) Casey Caldwell, Heaven Is A Playground (1991) Actor Niguel Miguel was a decent player at UCLA in the 80’s who obviously was type-cast in all these movies because, well, he could play. Also, an opposing player in Blue Chips.
G Kyle Watson, Above The Rim (1994) Cocky NYC HS star trapped between Tupac’s gang and basketball as a way out. Schooled by the aforementioned Shep, then shuns the dark side and goes to Georgetown. Duane Martin actually played at NYU and had a brief stint with the Knicks which elevates him to this level.
Amateur Division (below D1 only)
C Saleh, The Air Up There (1994) College recruiter Kevin Bacon ventures to Africa to find a player how might save his career and runs into this 6-9 Wanabi prince; they defeat the rival tribe and Saleh ends up at St. Joe’s with now-head coach Bacon. Actor Charles Gitonga Maina actually did come to the US at D-2 Lynn University but
his career never got off the ground and ended up back in Kenya.
F/C Warren Coolidge, The White Shadow (1978-81) Cast because he was taller than Ken Howard (Coach Ken Reeves), Byron Stewart was also the best player of the Carver lot. Great show but frustrating because it ran on Tuesdays, the same night as HS games in pre-DVR days (pre-VHS even).
F Ken Reeves, The White Shadow (1978-81) Howard actually was the only white starter on his Manhasset HS team in the 60s; turned down scholarships to play at D-3 Amherst. In one episode he beat Mike Warren in a fairly realistic looking 1-on-1 game although not a whole lot of D.
G Sidney Deane, White Men Can’t Jump (1992) Used Billy Hoyle to his advantage then abused poor Billy until his non-nonsense wife set him straight. Wesley Snipes looks like he was actually pretty good.
G Quincy McCall, Love and Basketball (2000) I was torn on Omar Epps. I couldn’t find any game sequences online but watching the trailer I’ll give Mike Tomlin’s doppleganger the benefit of the doubt. Heck, he hooked up with both Sanaa Lathan and Gabrielle Union. Plus, Quincy’s dad was Pedro Cerrano! That, alone, earns him a spot.
G Jimmy Chitwood, Hoosiers (1986) Yes, he did make it, as promised. In fact, I think the only shot he missed was behind the school when Norman Dale said he didn’t care if Jimmy played or not. He also didn’t smile the whole movie until the team photo on the wall at the gym.
I Would Pick Him White Guy Division
Mike O’Donnell/Mark Gold, 17 Again (2009) Troy Bolton, High School Musical(s) I’d go with the 21 year old Zac Efron over the younger Zac plus he had the experience of a 36 year old since he was actually his dad. Could not find evidence of any kind of playing career but he didn’t look awful. Plus, he'd attract the babes.
I’m Not Buying It White Guy Division
Billy Hoyle, White Men Can’t Jump (1992) Woody Harrelson doesn’t look completely out of place with Wesley Snipes in 2-on-2 but there’s something about his shot that has always bugged me. Maybe he was better than I was but I’d want him on the other team at North Park, Mellon Park, etc.
Henry Steele, One On One (1977) Same deal here with Robbie Benson who is my age. To this day my cousin Dave and I wonder how good he’d have been even at Franklin School with a whole bunch of New Hampshire white guys. We do get to see a young Melanie Griffith rip off a naïve Henry who should get props for playing through that awful Seals and Crofts music. And G.D. Spradlin is a great a-hole coach.
Are You Kidding Me White Guy Division
Scott Howard, Teen Wolf (1985) Love Michael J. Fox but the dude is 5-4. I’m all about suspension of disbelief but back in the day I did the math and, at 5-9, realized I’d need a 42-inch vertical to dunk. It wasn’t happening. Even the wolf couldn’t pull off 47. We all love MJF but the kid couldn’t play.
If You Absolutely Need To Save The Planet Division
Snake Plissken, Escape From L.A. (1996)
Animal Division
Buddy, Air Bud (1997) This golden retriever was tremendous in elementary school – in fact, our Franklin School 5th grade team could have really used him when we lost to Wheelock, 49-2, in our opener – but like a lot of kids, others would have caught up to him by Middle and High School. Sadly, Buddy actually didn’t make it to age 10 and died not long after the movie came out.
Women’s Division
Roberta “Swish” James, Fast Break (1979) That wiley Gabe Kaplan passed her off as a guy and she could shoot – since Mavis Washington was a real player at Rubidoux HS and UC-Riverside – but when true feelings crept in her cover was blown.
Camille Wright, Love and Basketball (2000) Not sure how many stunt doubles were used throughout, but nothing hotter than a pretty girl who can play. Her attitude gave her problems – on and off the court – but it all ends well.
Lola Bunny, Space Jam (1996) Any scouting report here would just be weird.
Coach
So many options here. Both
Norman Dale (Hoosiers) and
Pete Bell (Blue Chips) diagrammed game-winning plays, but they had the ball. If I’m behind, I’m taking this guy -
Shooter
