You may be sour, even depressed about the situation the San Francisco 49ers are in today, having to play an important game against a superior team with what amounts to a glorified strike year roster. You may be furious with the National Football League for not moving this game back four days for the benefit of both teams. You may be furious with the league for playing any games at all (which of course is the correct response).
But look at this way. You are about to learn many things about a lot of subjects, and learning is good.
Besides, the Las Vegas Raiders wanted respite from the cruelties of COVID and got their game against Tampa Bay moved up five hours. You weren't feeling their pain. You weren't thinking about the fans of your team's former neighbor. So let's eliminate that right now.
So as the 49er Plague Ship embarks this afternoon against the Green Bay Packers, let's set up the parameters for the first exam of what the 49ers themselves understand to be their gap year.
# One, the quarterback. Jimmy Garoppolo, whom you all used to love and in many cases wanted to bed, is now considered expendable because you didn't get a Super Bowl in three years, you spoiled annoyances. Fine. He signed the contract that allows the 49ers to bail on him at season's end, and this is what he gets for letting them work him over. Team-friendly contracts are always invitations to be bullied, and players should stop signing them on principle.
But no, this is not the start of the Nick Mullens Era. The votes are in on him, both in and out of the building, and he is not going to be the centerpiece of any roster reconstitution. At least he won't be unless Kyle Shanahan spectacularly screws this up. He's seen Mullens. Mullens is a stopgap for 2020 (at least until C.J. Beathard is resurrected), but he isn't a stopgap for 2021. If the 49ers cut bait on Garoppolo, they are almost surely hiring outside the family for his replacement.
# Two, you will now learn just how deep the 49ers truly are, and the logical limits of the idiotic slogan "next man up." These guys have not only reached the earth's crust of their roster, they've diamond drilled through it. Now we'll get to see what a starting lineup made almost entirely of emergency players can do, and maybe in learning the answer to that we can put to bed all future versions of the "Could Clemson beat an NFL team" dogwhistle.
# Three, you will learn if you are a savvy gambler. The Packers opened up as a 2 1/2-point favorite in the look-ahead line and in three days -- the three days that removed Garoppolo, George Kittle, Brandon Aiyuk, Trent Williams and Kendrick Bourne — that line has moved to 7 1/2 and will probably end up at 8 or maybe even 8 1/2 by kickoff. If you took the Packers on Monday morning before the barn caught fire, you now have a six-point middle that spans the two hottest numbers on the board, three and seven. Christmas doesn't come to homes this hard, even to kids who ask for a My Little Pony and get an actual pony.
# Four, you will learn how much self-pity you can stomach. The 49ers have a prodigious list of unavailable players, to the point at which they have become your fantasy team; nobody else wants to hear about it. If this was an insoluble problem, the 49ers would have declared Vanderbilt and refused to show up. Instead, they are going to play, probably get pounded, and they will eat that sandwich without fries or a drink. The test for them, and you, is not to whine about your bad luck, but endure in silence. If the 49ers show up, the 49ers are responsible for the show.
# Five, your favorite team could be the Jets, Giants, Texans, Jaguars, Falcons or WTFs. They're stinking the joint out with more intact rosters.
# Six, you'll be able to begin the process of doing what all other fan bases do — turning on the coach and general manager regardless of context. And since in this case they are essentially the same guy, you get to save time. Say what you want about his play designs and tactical skills, but he's still 29-30 overall. You have evidence top become unreasonable, so get to it.
# And seven, if they do pull out of this and actually win a Super Bowl before the planet dies (and they'd better hurry), you can say you were there when they were their most hopeless, which you couldn't have said if you were born at any time after 1970. You'll have made your bones as a fan at last, because you'll have made memories of the mid-70s, when they truly were at their very worst.
So tonight is the deal you bought. If you don't want it, go watch The Batchelorette. You'll make valuable pre-holiday points with the part of the family that has holes in its own entertainment roster. But if you do watch the game, don't snivel about it to anyone else. You signed up for this, and you will endure it in silence or you will be sentenced to the only thing we can confirm will be worse.
Monday night. Jets-Patriots. Yours is not the only hell, after all.