It’s hard to believe it’s been almost 3 weeks since the coronavirus forced us into our homes. It’s more difficult to believe that we’ve been without sports even longer.
To fill the void, many of us have turned to our beautiful HD, 4K lifesavers. Instead of live games, we find ourselves re-watching our favorite sports movies. From Happy Gilmore to Space Jam, these classics have been viewed millions of times since the ongoing quarantine paused most of our lives.
I’m not going to waste your time with my pick for the greatest sports movie of all time. It’s been done a million times and we’ll probably never agree. (Although we can all agree there's no better scene than Pacino’s speech from 'Any Given Sunday.' “The six inches in front of your face!” I get chills every time.) Instead, let's discuss something I've contemplated for my entire life.
Who is the most dominant, impossible-to-beat sports movie character?
There are many pretenders, but very few actual contenders...
The Natural’s Roy Hobbs had to wait until he was 34 to make his Major League debut after getting shot by some mysterious woman as a budding prospect. Fresh off striking out Babe Freaking Ruth at some state fair, Hobbs was destined for baseball greatness. This was a guy that literally knocked the cover off the ball and played through internal bleeding while helping his team get to the playoffs. He even made his own bat, Wonderboy -- which I always thought was a weak name but, it did the trick. But the knock against Hobbs is his age. And I can’t have the answer to this very important question be a guy that played for just one season.
Other honorable mentions:
Crash Davis was dominant, but never made it out of the minors. Rudy Ruettiger was inspirational, but he also quit and whined and cried to get what he wanted as a scout team player. Air Bud could be the answer ... if he wasn’t a dog. Reggie Dunlop didn’t make it to the highest level, Ricky ‘Wild Thing’ Vaughn is a visit to Dr. James Andrews waiting to happen, while Shane Falco and FBI Agent Johnny Utah are Buckeyes so, no. Sidney Deane and Billy Hoyle worked amazing together, but we all know it would only be a matter of time before they were kicked out of the NBA for point shaving.
Henry Rowengartner lost his velo, Daniel LaRusso peaked in High School, Ernie McCracken was a bowler, Jimmy Chitwood’s game didn’t translate to the next level, Bobby Boucher bombed his combine interviews and Rocky hung on way too long. Also, Steamin’ Willie Beamen had acid reflux issues that cut his career short, Steve Lattimore was juicing, Teen Wolf is, ya know, a wolf and Roy McAvoy didn’t respect Majors.
The way I see it, there are only five sports movie characters worthy of being in the conversation. So without further ado...
Bennie could do it all. Not only was he a five-tool player, but he also taught a bunch of kids the game of baseball. Think about the dominant things he did in 'The Sandlot.' From outrunning The Beast, a giant English mastiff that all the kids were terrified of, to somehow getting all the guys to attend an early morning practice in the summer time, The Jet was the ultimate leader. He also knew he was destined to become a pro baseball player. Rodriguez is one of the few sports movie characters you get to see as a kid and then as a pro -- and he's stealing home for the Los Angeles Dodgers.
I recently did this topic on the air, and the majority of callers chose Benny. But I can't go that far. Bennie was at least three years older than any other kid in the movie, making you wonder why he wasn't hanging with kids his own age. Was it because he wasn’t as good as them? Also, what kind of player did Bennie turn out to be at the MLB level? We know the speed was there, but could he hit? Or was he just a run-of-the-mill pinch runner that had a cup of coffee in the bigs? Was that the best moment of his career? Very important points to ponder.
The only reason Happy Gilmore isn’t higher on this list is because I question his passion. Let’s not forget that Gilmore was a hockey player first and only played golf because he could drive the ball a mile. Gilmore experienced mammoth success in his first year on the tour. He took down his nemesis Shooter McGavin to win the gold jacket, he got the girl of his dreams and he got Grandma’s house back so she didn’t have to spend another minute in that wretched retirement home.
But golf is a game of patience and practice. Can we trust that Gilmore would have continued to work on the fundamentals to make him one of the greatest of all time? Or would he have turned his focus back to hockey? Remember, Gilmore didn't have much incentive to stay at the top of his game. Even if he never got another giant check to put in the backseat of his 1974 Plymouth Duster, he could probably just live off his Subway commercials.
Despite my criticism, Happy did prove to have some great qualities that helped him get here. He gave a homeless guy a job as his caddie, he got Chubb’s the head of the Alligator that bit off his hand and he consistently proved his toughness by taking batting cage pitches to his chest. Happy was a legend, even if Lee Trevino didn’t see it that way.
I’ll be honest, if Billy Chapel had played for the Mets, Yankees, or another other team besides the Tigers, he wouldn’t be here. But he played his entire career wearing the Old English 'D. I can't help but be bias.
Chapel had a lot of things going for him. By all accounts he had a long, successful career with one team, including pitching a perfect game at Yankee Stadium right before he retired.
As good as Chapel was on the mound, he was even better with the ladies. Chapel met Kelly Preston when her car was broken down on the side of the highway. He pulled over in his convertible Porsche, called for a tow truck, got recognized by the driver and had the driver tow Kelly's car into town while he took her to a Yankees game that he was pitching in. I loved the scenario so much that I stole it and told everybody that’s how I met my wife.
Vin Scully was also in the movie calling Chapels perfect game, which made everything so much better. And let’s not forget 'For Love of the Game' had one of the greatest lines in movie history, when Preston asked Chapel if he had ever had his heart broken. His answer: “Yes, in 1987.” It doesn’t get better than that!
Before the Giants traded with the Braves for Bobby Rayburn, he was already a two-time MVP and RBI King. Rayburn went to San Francisco in the deal and saw his batting average dip. He also couldn’t get the number he wanted, saw his teammate brutally murdered and had his son kidnaped by a psycho fan who he thought was a friend.
Rayburn was told by Robert DeNiro, the fan, that he would have to hit a home run to save his son -- and he almost did it. Can you imagine the pressure of having to do one of the toughest things in sports, on demand, to save a loved one? Incomprehensible!
The actual movie isn’t the greatest, but seeing DeNiro playing the role of an angry, stuck-in-the-past knife salesman who credits himself for turning around the success of a ball-player makes it watchable. Rayburn also gets the second spot on this list so I could bring attention to a scene near the start of the movie where DeNiro takes his son to a baseball game only to throw him out of the way as a ball approaches them in the stands. Fantastic parenting! Thankfully the movie had a happy ending and Rayburn went on to be the next great Giant.
It takes a special kind of athlete to live up to the hype. Steve Nebraska was a pitcher from a small town in the middle of nowhere discovered by a down-on-his luck scout. The Yankees were so impressed with Nebraska they signed him to a contract and brought him right to the Majors -- for the freaking World Series. Nebraska got the nod in Game 1 at a sold-out Yankee Stadium. It didn’t help his nerves that he was helicoptered down from the roof beforehand as part of the player introductions.
True, it was only one game and we don’t know what became of Nebraska. But on that night he delivered the greatest pitching performance of all time!
OK, your turn. Give me your most dominant, impossible-to-beat sports movie character.