Yes, my name is Chris. No, I do not have a Chris-tal ball.
Most of you who have followed me through the years know that by now ("Hey Ello! Can you please pick against my team, so I know that they'll win?"). Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some of us are better at predicting things than others (though I did nail the No. 6-seed Pittsburgh Steelers to win the Super Bowl following the 2005 season, and some people were pretty impressed).
Nevertheless, I see things (fortunately not dead people -- it's a reference from a classic movie named The Sixth Sense, for those who can't sense that). And here's what I see for the Padres in the coming months/seasons:
**On the day the Padres celebrate their first playoff berth since 2006, Andy Green will not be the team's manager.
**Ferando Tatis Jr. will have at least two hits on that day.
**His double-play partner when it happens will not be Luis Urias. The Friars will wait for him to have a hot streak late this season, then package him in a trade with a really good prospect pitcher for a really good, established second baseman.
**Wil Myers' contract will not taste good.
**Introducing your corner outfielders on the first Padres' playoff squad in the Ron Fowler era: Hunter Renfroe or Franmil Reyes, but not both. (Both are too much in demand around baseball for A.J. Preller not to include one of them in a blockbuster trade somewhere along the line).
**The Padres will be wearing brown uniforms that day, but most fans will be whining that they want the dark blue back (be careful what you wish for).
**The day we're talking about will not take place at the end of this current 2019 season -- or even the end of the 2020 campaign. The Padres are always just a tick behind schedule, so I look for this celebration of kick off in the fall of 2021.
**The catcher jumping into the arms of closer Trey Wingenter when this happens will be Francisco Mejia (if the Padres don't want to part with Austin Hedges because he's "the best framer of pitches there is," the fans will force them to. Kirby Yates, by the way, won't implode, it's just that by 2021, Wingenter somehow will have inherited the role).
**The stupid Dodgers will be getting ready to lose their fifth-consecutive World Series to break the Buffalo Bills professional sports record of most times losing a title in a row. Dave Roberts won't be their manager by then, by the way.
**Manny Machado will not take the umpiring crew out to dinner after that game. Heck, he probably won't even talk to an umpire until next spring.
**The Padres' starting rotation will include names like Gore, Lamet, Paddack, and Lucchesi.
**Endless comparisons to the Houston Astros will be made, but Sports Illustrated will not only forego a Padres' cover, but it also will forget to mention the Padres' playoff nuptials entirely.
**Sea World will no longer have any animal acts in its park (so PETA will be protesting the Padres' nickname, saying it's offensive to church-going animal lovers everywhere).
**Bernie Wilson of the AP will report that the Padres still suck.
**You'll overreact and think the same thing when the Friars lose the wildcard playoff to Colorado. Unlike many years ago, this game will be played in San Diego, but the final score still will be 12-11. Coors Field will somehow get the blame.
**You'll go back through the archives to find this blog, and send me a tweet about how I was so stupid to be wrong on a couple of these predictions (the last one, by the way, is the easiest prediction of them all).