This weekend, the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS) will be holding its annual national military suicide survivor seminar in Dallas to help those who have lost a loved one due to military suicide.
The seminar focuses on offering hope, healing and opportunities for growth.
“This is an incredible opportunity to bring suicide families together,” Vice President of survivor services Audri Beugelsdijk said. “There is a lot of shame, blame, guilt, regret, and remorse that comes with the loss from suicide.”
At the weekend-long seminar, attendees will work towards gaining an understanding of the journey of grief and develop positive coping skills and learn to put some of the puzzle pieces together.
“When someone witnesses the suicide themselves or found their loved one after the fact, there is a tremendous hesitation to talk out loud unless you’re in an environment to talk about it with people who have also gone through it,” Beugelsdijk said.
To come alongside hundreds of people who have also gone through what you are going through, it is easier to have those conversations about suicide and speak freely without shame.
“People can come together here and breath a collective exhale,” Beugelsdijk said.
Last year, the seminar was held virtually, but Beugelsdijk said she is excited to have it back in person because it gives people the opportunity to give someone a hug and talk face-to-face.
Every year, between 35 to 50% of people are first-time attendees. The rest, sadly, are people who often come back year after year.
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“It truly feels like a family reunion. It's an incredibly encouraging and empowering thing to be a part of,” Beugelsdijk said.
Children are usually allowed to attend, but this year for those under 12 are not eligible to attend because all attendees are required to show proof of COVID-19 vaccination.
“I have had kids say that it’s the best three days they have for the entire year,” Beugelsdijk said. “When you’re a kid who doesn’t know another kid who lost their dad, you can come here and not pretend and just be who you are and let your sadness be transparent.”
Beugelsdijk said she understands what feelings and challenges people from loss go to because became a widow at 23 after her husband passed away.
“I was in the unique experience of being a survivor and widow at 23, not feeling like I was around anyone who knew what it meant to be a newlywed widow, and to see others go through this made me feel grounded,” Beugelsdijk said. “I found TAPS and it represented a place where I could go to be understood.”
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She said the impact she has seen TAPS have on the lives of families who have come to us is life-altering. People who once couldn’t put into words what they were going through, and who were struggling with grief on a scale that put them at risk for suicidal thoughts, are now moving in a healthy direction.
“To see the impact, to give them the words to express their grief and give them the tools they need to rebuild themselves in the face of loss, and to then see empowerment- it’s been life-altering for me,” Beugelsdijk said.
To her, it’s not just a professional mission to help others, it’s a personal one.
“It’s helping people have meaning from something that was so dark. I can’t imagine anything better than that,” Beugelsdijk said, adding that as a nation, we should become more comfortable talking about death.
Society as a whole doesn’t always know how to address people who have gone through loss, and schools don’t teach kids how to deal with loss and grief in school.
“We could do more to help kids learn how to cope with disappointment,” she said. “And we need to learn how to lean into uncomfortable spaces and let people feel free to express their loss and be comfortable to do so.”
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People tend to not know what to say to someone who have experienced loss, and end up feeling so burdened to help that they say something cliché or hurtful.
“It isn’t your responsibility to take the pain away, it’s to be willing to let my grief be in the room and not avoid it,” Beugelsdijk said. “I think as a society, we can be more open to being in uncomfortable places.”
At the end of the day, Beugelsdijk wants to be a part of the seminars and events TAPS holds because it's important to her to empower families to normalize the experience they are going through and to help them know they will survive it.
To register for this weekend’s seminar, you can visit https://www.taps.org/nmsss.
To view other programs that TAPS offers, visit https://www.taps.org/programs/.
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