Just one day from it’s premiere, Demi Lovato’s candid YouTube docuseries, Dancing with the Devil, is already expected to bring to light details of her near fatal overdose in 2018, and her rough recovery and journey to finding joy.
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While the doc's trailer gave us just enough info to have us wanting more, Demi’s convo with CBS Sunday Morning also had her revealing some updates on her current status of sobriety that had people saying, wait what?
As has been previously reported, that fateful July nearly three years ago, Lovato was discovered unconscious inside her home. She was transported to a local hospital for medical treatment where it was discovered she suffered a heart attack, three strokes, and was temporarily legally blind upon waking up.
Sitting down with CBS’s Tracy Smith, Demi revealed that despite her past drug scares, complete abstinence is difficult for her and that she currently uses alcohol and marijuana in “moderation," dubbing that and herself as "California sober.”
For those who are like, wait what's that? "California sober,” as described in features from The Cut and Vice, typically refers to people who abstain from alcohol and most drugs but may indulge in marijuana.
Don’t get it twisted though, despite expressing that “for the first time in my life, [I] had to essentially die," Lovato admitted to Smith that she is "grateful" to still be alive knowing it could have been very different outcome. She acknowledged, ”If no one had found me, then I wouldn't be here. I'm grateful that I'm sitting here today, yeah.”
Additionally, Demi is aware that her way of coping isn’t a "one-size-fits-all" fix, insisting that what is right for her isn't necessarily right for others who also suffer with substance abuse issues.
"I really don't feel comfortable explaining the perimeters of my recovery with people because I don't want anyone to look at my perimeters of safety and think that's what works for them because it might not, Demi clarified. "I am cautious to say that, just like I feel the complete abstinent method isn't like a one-size-fits-all solution for everybody. I don't think that this journey of moderation is a one-size-fits-all solution for everybody, too,” she added.
Despite having been six years sober before her relapse, Demi admitted that while it might have not have looked like it during that time, she was “miserable” and frustrated with the lack of control over certain aspects of her everyday life.
Telling Sunday Morning’s Smith, ”I didn't control any of my life at that period of time. But yes, I also needed to grow up and take control. And that's something I haven't done until the past two years of my life.” Noting, “I'm now in control of my finances, I'm now in control of the food that I eat, how often I work out…”
Smith asked Lovato to clarify what she meant by control over what food she ate, which she explained, “Obviously, I was in control of what I put in my mouth. But there were times where phones were taken out of – actually, every time I was in a hotel room, my phone was taken out of the room so I couldn't order room service.”
However, despite all that, Lovato added that she takes responsibility for her behavior and actions. "Regardless of what other people may have said or done, my actions put me in the seat that's in front of you today. Unfortunately, nobody can answer for my overdose but me,” she said.
Dancing with the Devil's first of four parts is just one day away from it’s March 23 premiere on YouTube. Until then check out Demi’s interview with CBS Sunday Morning above.
WATCH MORE: 5 Celebrities Who Are Mental Health Champions
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