Chad Dukes came into work in a mood Thursday.
This morning I got up and I looked in the mirror, and for those of you that make fun of my beard, you have to understand I know that my beard is disgusting. It’s a pubic-hair beard. I’m embarrassed by it. I can’t grow a real man’s beard because I’m not a real man. I’ve got boobs, stretch marks — it’s just an abomination being me.
I’m tortured every second of every day. You’ve never met a sadder, more depressed, miserable person that just lashes out at everyone around him because of how upset he is in his own life.
In a moment of hysteria, I did the inconceivable. I shaved off all my facial hair, something that I have told everyone in my life to not do because they have double-chins and big, fat faces, when it is I that has the biggest double-chin and the biggest fat face.
As always, better to listen.