We’re just five days away from the one-day release of “colachup,” a Pepsi-flavored ketchup, as a condiment at a handful of ballparks around MLB.
Heinz has cornered the market on mashup condiments with portmanteau names, from Mayochup to Buffaranch to Kranch (who needed ketchup and ranch together?), but this time, condiment aficionado Danny Rouhier confirms, they have just gone too far.
“It is Pepsi and ketchup together, for you to put on your hot dog or hamburger…take ketchup, put Pepsi in it, shake it up real good, and you put it on your food,” Grant said.
“By you, you mean not me, right?” Danny replied. “Because that’s a no from me, dawg.”
Grant asked if Danny would rather have “Coke-chup,” as both men prefer Coca-Cola in the cola wars, but Danny doesn’t care if it’s Coke, Pepsi, RC, Jolt, Faygo, or even the generic store brand you pick up for pennies at the Harris Teeter down the street from our studios – NO ONE needs those two things mixed.
“I reject the notion that we needed this. I fundamentally stand against this as an idea, because it is purposeless and frivolous. Put the scientists smart enough to do this to work somewhere else,” a disgusted Danny said. “Fix something else, man, because this was not needed. No one was going, ‘why has no one combined cola and ketchup? Get on it, Johnson!’ Put Johnson to work somewhere else.”
Grant Paulsen’s palate, it seems, is a little more adventurous.
“I am going to give it a whirl if I ever see it, because I like ketchup and Pepsi, so I’ll give it a go. What’s the possible harm of a little colachup on my burger?” Grant asked.
“Your burger is ruined, that’s the harm,” Danny replied.
Grant then said he’d maybe dip a French fry in it…and maybe, JUST MAYBE, Danny would try it if, AND ONLY IF, Grant or someone else gave him an extraneous fry.
“If I could borrow a fry and never had to pay it back, to experiment, I still wouldn’t do it, but I could start to get to the point,” Danny said.
Thankfully/sadly, neither Nationals Park nor Camden Yards are one of the test markets for this condiment, so we won't get a food review - and we cannot confirm or deny the rumor that Grant is willing to pay big for a sample for the next time he's at the ballpark and wants some See You Tater...
Follow Grant & Danny on Twitter: @granthpaulsen & @funnydanny
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