For 13 weeks or so, we’ve been pining for the Commanders to win, hoping for them to succeed and Sam Howell to be the guy and a playoff run to happen. Now? Well, Danny Rouhier wants them to get blown out every week the rest of the way, and while Grant isn’t quite there, yes, the old “moral victory” is the best one here.
“The best thing for Washington is to play well and lose,” Grant said. “I don’t want them to play terribly or get embarrassed. I know you want them to lose by 30, I’m not quite on that train, but what I do want is the best draft pick possible – and the reason I want to pick in the Top 2 is because that is the line of demarcation in this draft where there is a big drop-off between picks.”
GP thinks Marvin Harrison Jr. can be a superstar but is a notch below the Top 2 QBs, and if the Commanders want a new QB, you want as good as it gets – but also, quarterback is worth more, so, for example, if the Commanders are at 2 and someone REALLY wants Drake Maye, they’ll get more than if they’re at 3 and it’s MHJ. And, either way, the higher the pick, the better the gift for the next GM who inherits it and does whatever they want with it.
“Make no mistake about it, the Commanders losing on Sunday is a massively important thing to the future,” Grant said, “and I can’t tell you how nervous I am that against this terrible Jets team, that is incapable of scoring and moving the ball, they can’t leave a team in their wake. This game has 10-9, 17-13 slogfest written all over it, and I’m petrified that Washington will accidentally win.”
“You shouldn’t be petrified – you should be resigned. Set your watch to it. The worst thing they can do is what they’ll do, and that’s the Ron Rivera special. He’s just terrible enough to do this one and try to pat himself on the back post-game,” Danny said. “If they lose, you and I should put together a potluck of the best lunch collection in the history of mankind.”
Grant will not lash out visibly if the Commanders win, because “even misguided happiness deserves to be happy now and then – but just know I am IRATE at every single person taking a victory lap” for all of those draft pick reasons he had already laid out.
And now, even as he admits that Grant Paulsen, nearly a decade younger than he, is the voice of maturity, Danny Rouhier proudly is not, and he is gonna tell you about it if the Commanders win.
“Every one of you has gotten the team you deserve for the last two decades,” Danny began. “If you pumped your fist when Ryan Fitzpatrick missed that two-point conversion in 2019, you cost us Joe Burrow, you horse’s ass! If you thought it was sweet they beat Detroit to go to 2-9 in 2019, this is what you deserve – nothing but losing, lies, double-talk, and empty-calorie wins, which is all you’ve had in your coffers for a decade. Every one of you enables it. If you don’t have any foresight, and don’t understand the big picture once: if you win this game, it will cost you an opportunity. You know who doesn’t think the draft is a crapshoot? The people in the league, stupid. Herm Edwards said you play to win the game? Of course the players do, and h doesn’t coach in the league anymore, and adults can understand the big picture, stupid. If you pump your fist because they beat the Jets in the most meaningless, the plane has already crashed into the mountain suckfest, and you’re excited about it, you deserve another couple decades of horse crap. Every single one of you. Root for them to get sandblasted so this idiot and his friends can get fired; power wash this thing, shoot it with fire, then put out the flames with a powerful hose.”
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