Hey there, Washington Football Team.
It feels weird to use your full name like that, sorry. Listen, I’m not very good at this kind of thing, so here it goes: I had a great time last night.
I mean, you were terrific. I saw your name on my calendar for a Monday night and let's just say that I had extremely low expectations, but you blew my mind. I think you shocked everybody, in a good way.
The way you prepared and traveled, stayed for the whole event, performed perfectly when you needed to, humiliated Pittsburgh — it was sensational.
To be honest, everything was kind of a blur after the first quarter. I kind of pieced it together this morning, but I remember you bleeding profusely on your all-white outfit and staying in the game. So crazy. I think you stole the ball to stop the clock at one point. Genius idea.
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It was fun to hang out with you, and it’s a night I’ll never forget. I hate to put it like this, but it was almost like old times. I know, everything is different now. You changed your name, you look and sound a lot different, you think differently. But it really felt like the old us.
Remember how good things used to be? Back when people knew us as the Over the Hill Gang, The Fun Bunch and the Hogs? That was back when everything was diamond rings and champagne. It's been a while.
Not to say that it hasn’t been good more recently. We had electrifying moments in 2012. No pressure, no diamonds. Remember 2015? You like that! We had good times, but it wasn't always easy. You get mad when I bring up Jay and Bruce, but c'mon. Nobody can just forget that.
This brings me to my point: even if last night was amazing (and believe me, it was a-ma-zing), I think we should take things slow. I need to know that what happened last night wasn't just a good time that we'll regret later. For my heart and mental health, I need to know that you've really changed for the better. If we should just stay casual until 2021, I'd rather do that than rush back into drama.
Before you get upset, please consider it from my perspective: you're still a long shot to make it to the dance, and I really want to go dancing with you in January.
Our old friends Colt McCoy and Alfred Morris have won four-straight in New York and they have the tiebreaker to win the crown. Looking ahead, Kyle Shanahan will definitely fight you next week, and you have a long history of heartbreak against Seattle. By the time you get to host the Panthers or travel to Philly, it could be too late to go dancing. I don't want to get my hopes up, especially in 2020.
However, I want you to know that I believe in you. I want you to know that it's you or nobody — there's never been another football team that I really cared about. But I need to know that things will be different this time, and I hope you can understand that.
Good luck on your business trip next week. Call/text me when you get back?
Brian Tinsman has covered D.C. sports since 2011, both from the team marketing and skeptical fan perspectives. Tweet your criticisms @Brian_Tinsman.
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