As a matchmaker and date coach, I interview anywhere from 20 to 50 people per month to learn about their romantic predilections. Most (like almost all) of the people I interview express their desire to be with a good communicator. Astutely so, since good communication is paramount to all healthy relationships. Concomitantly, they attribute themselves with good communication skills. Ironically, I have come to discover they erroneously think they are a good communicator and that’s why they are single. Fortunately, I have 3 communication techniques that can help people truly connect with a love interest.
I confess, I too am guilty of overestimating my communication skills. Indulge me as I share a personal anecdote. Then, we’ll move to some tasty tangible tips. It was a typical Tuesday; I worked out and went into the office. On this particular Tuesday, I had a meeting in the afternoon outside of the office (it’s not uncommon for me to have extramural professional meetings). My meeting was scheduled for 4:30pm at one of my preferred cocktail lounges (they have the most mouthwatering gin libations). The person I was meeting was tardy by 20 minutes. My meeting concluded around 5:30pm (instead of the planned 5pm). I was delighted to bump into one of my favorite girlfriends. Spontaneously, I decided to regale myself with good company and a French 75. Next thing I know, it’s 7:30pm. It was one of those divine conversations where you are completely absorbed in the moment. Downside, my boyfriend (of 10 years) was at home sick with worry! While I had communicated that I had a meeting at 4:30pm, I did not notify him about the person being tardy nor that I was staying to have a drink with my friend. This was very uncommon for me since I am routine oriented (and yes, he knows my routine). Oh, did I mention I left my phone in my car (talk about the perfect storm for poor communication). I return to my car and check my phone—5 missed called from boyfriend, 3 from my mother, and 1 from my colleague (he pretty much sent an AMBER Alert). Moral of the tale? While I exercised good conversation skills with my friend, I exhibited poor communication skills with my boyfriend.
YES, there is a fine distinction between being a good conversationalist and a good communicator. I have found that when people refer to themselves as a good communicator, they are actually speaking to their abilities as a conversationalist.
What’s the difference? A conversation are words and ideas exchanged between two or more people. This may include a dialogue, a person speaking to a group, a person writing to an audience through a blog or publication, etc. Communication transcends the simple exchange of words and ideas. It is tone, body language, facial expressions, frequency, content, and effectiveness of the delivery. Understanding the distinction between the two can be the difference between having a single conversation with a romantic prospect and having long-term communication with a romantic partner.
Now that you have digested those tasty tangibles tips, get out there and have more than a good conversation!