Although Valentine’s Day has passed, singles from coast to coast may still find themselves sick with love or loathing. Yes, this day is illustrious for inciting symptoms of romantic reverie (a.k.a. romanticizing) and romanticriticizing (but, more on that shortly). Romanticizing may have you lusting after the eggplant from apartment 212, the melons from the supermarket, or the peach from the gym who lunged their way into your heart (talk about getting your daily serving of fruits and veggies). Of course, romanticizing can be more wholesome. You might be pondering on all of the delights a new relationship could offer. Maybe you long for an afternoon snuggle? Candlelight dinner with your honey? A movie night with your sweetheart? Or a kiss so hot that the moment melts away?
Okay, fan yourself as we discuss a less sexy topic; romanticriticizing (no, this is not a typographical error). Romanticizing is favorably fantasizing about a prospective lover or relationship. Romanticriticizing is criticizing a prospective romantic candidate (often before you even know their name). The process of romanticriticizing is insidious; most are incognizant of the act. Uncertain if you romanticriticize? Recall situations in which you encountered prospective romantic candidates; strangers you found physically attractive. Remember the moment they caught your attention and appraising thoughts flooded your mind. You might have been enchanted by their eyes, doted on their dimples, or been smitten by their smile. At any moment, did your inner monologue twist into criticism? Might you have thought to yourself, “Sure, they’re cute, but look at their clothes,” “They have a strange gait,” “I bet they’re vapid and superficial,” or “They seem like a typical bro/hoe.” If so, you are romanticriticizing!
Why does this occur? It’s a defense mechanism against rejection. Romanticriticizing is rife since most singles fear rejection. People have a fear of not getting what they want (of being rejected), therefore they devalue that object they desire to lessen the potential disappointment. Beware, defense mechanisms might avert undesired circumstances from getting in, such as rejection, but it also prevents singles from going out (on a date that is).
What can you do? Next time you find yourself in the sweet reverie of romanticizing about a prospective romantic candidate, listen closely to your inner monologue. Should you hear yourself romanticriticizing, immediately focus on one of their positive features and tell yourself, “Don’t criticize a stranger due to your own fears and insecurities.” If you are not ready to reprimand your inner monologue, interrupt it with a song, or my personal favorite, the ABCs.