Keyon Dooling opens up about suffering from PTSD after childhood sexual abuse

In a piece for the Players' Tribune published Tuesday, former Celtic Keyon Dooling opens up about suffering from PTSD stemming from an incident of sexual abuse he endured as a child.

Dooling wrote "Running from a Ghost" to mark Mental Health Awareness Month and to share his story to encourage others to seek help.

It's Mental Health Awareness Month and I have a story to tell.  Big shout out to the Players Tribute for sharing my story. Peace and drop a comment or share it. https://t.co/clygmveKfH https://t.co/clygmveKfH

He recounts the events that led up to his stay in the hospital in 2012 while he was with the Celtics after having a nervous breakdown. He explains the breakdown was caused by memories of sexual abuse from his childhood flooding back to him, as he told Doc Rivers when Rivers visited him in the hospital.

" … Doc came to see me, and I just decided that I'd finally had enough. I'd run away from the ghosts for so long, and they finally caught up to me in that room. I faced the truth, for the first time in my life.

Doc said, 'Is there anything you want to talk about?'

I said, 'Yes.'

'What's going on, son?'

'Something bad happened to me when I was a kid. Real bad. I blocked it out. And now it's all coming back, Doc.'"

Dooling described the incident that ended his innocent childhood and caused him extreme mental trauma.

"I was seven years old. It was a real gloomy summer day in Ft. Lauderdale, and I was on my way to the elementary school playground to shoot hoops with my best friend. We were about halfway there when the clouds got dark. I had two whole dollars on me. I was balling out that day. So we decided to go to the corner store and get two sodas and wait for the rain to pass.

On our way back to the playground, it started really pouring. We were getting soaked. Just as we were walking past some apartment buildings, this kid shouted out to us from the window, "Hey, what you doing? Come outta the rain and hang out in here for a while."

I knew him. He was a friend of my older brother. He was about 14, and he seemed cool. I mean, every older kid seems cool when you're seven. So we went inside the apartment, and we were chilling for a while. All the adults were at work, so we were listening to hip-hop and going around in a circle trying to freestyle.

Then, all of a sudden, the older kid turned on the TV, and he started playing a porn video. It didn't freak me out because I had older brothers, and I had seen their magazines and stuff. I was too young to really "get it," but I got it, you know what I mean?

When the scene got to the end, the older kid pointed to the screen and said, "You know, I can do that too."

He started making me and my friend touch him. And then he forced us to perform oral sex on him. I didn't know what to think or what was going on. I was just confused, and angry. I was a kid.

When it was all over, I ran out the door and got out of there as fast as possible. I didn't even look behind me for my friend, because I was just too scared. When I got home, I didn't tell a soul what happened. I was too embarrassed and ashamed. I just got in the shower and started crying. And I kept crying and crying.

I kept thinking, We just wanted to play basketball. Why did this happen?

On that day, something inside me changed.

I woke up that morning as the most happy-go-lucky kid in the world. Always dancing, always playing hide-and-seek and freeze-tag in the neighborhood. Always saying hello to everybody. Always smiling.

When I got on that bike with my knife, I locked away all my feelings deep down inside. I told myself, at seven years old: You have to be tough. You have to be so tough that nobody can ever hurt you.

After that day, I had a huge chip on my shoulder, and huge secret in my heart. My childhood was effectively over."

Dooling said he began drinking, doing drugs and became sexual promiscuous by 13.

"I was compensating for the anxiety and fear that I had to keep suppressed. I channeled all my rage and anger into sports. I had to show everybody that I was strong. That I was an alpha. That I was nobody to mess with.

I stayed locked inside my thoughts, so I got incredibly good at visualizing my future. I would be at the park playing ball, and my dreams of being in the NBA would be so vivid and real. It was how I would cope. Whenever my anxiety would flair up and I would get a flash of that trauma, I would suppress it with alcohol, or with women, or with competition."

He also describes the nervous breakdown that landed him in the hospital, which began days before with him telling Danny Ainge he was finished playing basketball.

"A week before, I had walked into Danny Ainge's office and told him that I was done with basketball. Out of the blue, just like that. Done.

It didn't make any sense. We had just lost to Miami in seven games in the 2012 Eastern Conference finals. I had just signed a new $1.4 million contract. We were a month away from training camp. I was in amazing shape, on the outside at least. Inside, I was falling apart.

My two-year-old son K.J. was with me. I took him along, because he loved coming to the gym with me. I remember holding him in my arms and telling Danny that I was done. I was telling Danny a whole lot of other things, too. Really paranoid, off-the-wall things. I was ranting about God and about the darkness all around us. Eventually, Danny made a phone call. A couple minutes later, two of my best friends on the team appeared in the doorway.

It was Rajon Rondo and Avery Bradley. They were super calm, and they did their best to get to me relax. Rajon took my son from me and told me they were going to show him around the facility. Then Avery walked me out to his car and told me he was going to drive me back home.

On the ride home, I started calling everybody in my phone — literally every number from the top — and pleading with them to find God.

I was screaming, 'We've got to come to the Lord!'

Everyone probably thought that I had lost my mind. Everyone except for Avery, Rajon, Danny, Doc and my wife, Natosha. Sometimes a look says everything, you know what I mean? Sometimes a look means more than words.

Avery, Rajon, Danny, Doc, my wife … they all gave me the same look. In their eyes, I didn't see judgement or fear. I only saw kindness and confusion. They just wanted to help me, because they knew that something terrible must have happened to the man they knew.

I will never forget that feeling of support. It saved my life. They kept saying, 'It's gonna be O.K. Let's just get you some help.'"

Dooling ends his piece emphasizing the importance of seeking help for mental issues. "The only way to finally escape is to stop running and turn around and face the ghost.

"If you are reading this right now and you have been suppressing a similar kind of trauma, I beg you to reach out and get professional help. When I was locked away in the bottom floor of the psych ward like a caged animal, I cried out to God to help me. And I most certainly have to thank God for helping me get through my pain. For helping me overcome the trauma. For helping me become a better man. But I also have to thank Doc, Danny, Rajon, Avery, Dr. Benson, and of course, my wife. They looked at me with compassion and love when I needed it most. They didn't see a "crazy" person. They saw a friend in need … If you are hurting, get some help … You can call out to God. But your second call should be the doctor."