The month of January tends to see a spike in divorce filings, so it is no coincidence that January is recognized as National Child-Centered Divorce Awareness Month, a time dedicated to alerting parents about the effects of divorce on children – and how to prevent emotional and psychological damage to children during and after a divorce. Although we would hope that during a divorce parents would make their children the number one priority that is not always the case. Divorce can be a very traumatic situation for everyone involved. Sadness, fear, anger, humiliation are only some of the emotions that may be experienced by adults going through a divorce. As a result, it is very difficult for many to look beyond their own feelings. We are, in effect, asking parents to behave normally in a very abnormal situation.
As a result, kids often end up in the middle. They often align with the parent whom they see as hurt or abandoned or try to take on the adult role of the parent who has left. These experiences can have profound and very long lasting effects.
There are a number of ways that people can get divorced. Most parents recognize that litigation is destructive for all involved. But there are better procedures known as Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADL). One of the best ADL’s is known as Collaborative Divorce.
Collaborative divorce utilizes a team approach. The team consists of an attorney for each party, a neutral mental health coach and a neutral financial expert. All parties make an agreement to resolve all the issues out of court and in a collaborative and dignified fashion. This does not mean that the parties have to really like each other. But it does help them learn new ways of problem solving which then assist them in more positive co-parenting. Strong emotions are managed as part of the team process.
With the help of the neutral mental health professional, a parenting plan is developed that meets the needs of all the children and encourages development and maintenance of strong bonds between the children and both parents.
Unlike a litigated divorce, Collaborative Divorce gives couples more control over the outcome of their separation. Rather than having a judge decide the family’s future through litigation, Collaborative Divorce allows couples to make flexible agreements that address the financial, psychological and legal aspects of divorce. In addition to often being less expensive than a litigated divorce, Collaborative Divorce takes the entire family into account.
To learn more about collaborative divorce process, visit www.ctcollaborativedivorce.com.
CCDG members are available for in-person and telephone interviews.
