One of the common themes when talking about the root causes of juvenile crime is the lack of a father in the lives of kids. Of all the contributing factors, the absence of fathers is the most common contributing factor discussed. As we approach Father’s Day - 2021, it’s more important than ever to talk about the role fathers play in the lives of their children.
From a biological standpoint, a male can impregnate a woman, and the moment the sex act is over he can walk away and have nothing to do with the life for which he is equally responsible. In addition to having the ability to walk away afterwards, the government has established a system where the presence of a father in the life of a child is discouraged. From a financial standpoint, a pregnant woman has more to gain if there is no father involved.
With the biological and the financial reality that a male is not required and even discouraged from being involved in a child’s life, the overwhelming dismissal of the importance of fatherhood has become a learned behavior for every generation, particularly more recent generations.
Though the intent may not have been to discourage fatherhood, the end result has created a systemic prejudice against fathers.
As important as fathers are in the lives of children, there are plenty of examples of mothers raising responsible children without a father, whether the father choose not to be involved or he passed away. But there should be no doubt that fathers play an important role in the lives of their children.
By the late-80s, a new awareness of the importance of fathers was growing. The top movie of 1987 was the comedy, “Three Men And A Baby,” starring Tom Selleck, Steve Guttenberg, and Ted Danson. The movie’s gross box office surpassed the other big hit that year - “Fatal Attraction.”
“Three Men And A Baby” was a comedy with touching moments about what it takes to be a father. The plot involved three bachelors sharing an apartment in New York City. They were all leading the stereotypical lives of bachelors with partying playing a major role in their lives. But all of that changed with a baby was left at their door. The baby was the product of an affair one of the bachelors had, and the mother left the child for the father to raise.
The sudden appearance of the baby changed their lives as they accepted the responsibility of raising the child, and their partying lifestyles gave way to an emotional attachment to the baby. The movie’s storyline related to the increasing awareness of how important the role of a father plays in the lives of children.
After the battle for equal rights for women fully manifested its way into American society, there seemed to be a new focus on the role of fathers. From my own personal experience, I recall moments when I was perceived as being involved in decisions that in previous generations had been left up to the mother. As I see the role my son plays in the lives of his daughter and son, I can see how much has changed and how involved fathers are today.
Father’s Day is a day to bring attention to the role fathers play in the lives of families. For those of us fortunate enough to have had a father growing up, this is a time to think about what our fathers meant to us and how they contributed to who we are today.
As we think about what we learned from our fathers and the role they played in our lives, we are testifying to the importance of fatherhood. Sometimes we even learn what not to do as a result of mistakes we saw our fathers make. But even learning from the negative verifies the importance of fathers.
I have strong memories of things I learned from my father. One in particular still resonates with me today. I attribute my work ethic to playing pitch and catch with my dad. Whether it was a football or a baseball - my dad would make me catch 10-in-a-row before we could go in.
There were times I dropped the 5th one, and we started over. But I learned about reaching a goal and how to deal with pressure. When I caught 8-in-a-row, I felt the pressure of catching the next 2 so I could reach the goal and go in. The pressure mounted even more when I got to 9-in-a-row.
When I finally did catch the 10th one - I felt victorious for staying with something until I reached my goal. I didn’t realize what I was learning at the time, and I’m not even sure my dad intended for that to be the lesson I learned. That simple game of pitch and catch, though, taught me the valuable lesson of learning to never give up and the lesson of dealing with the pressure of focusing on reaching a goal.
The failure of fatherhood transcends race and socio-economic boundaries. There are fathers who have great wealth who do not take time to actually be a father. A high-profile case in Ft. Worth, Texas illustrated that reality.
At 16, Ethan Couch was driving under the influence when he got into an accident killing 4 people. His defense attorney successfully argued in court that at 16, Ethan was not responsible for his actions because he suffered from “affluenza” - a condition resulting from a father and mother who were too rich and distracted with their lives to properly raise a child.
As senseless shootings and juvenile crime ramp up during the summer months, there will be more talk about the important role fathers play in the lives of children. The message should be simple: do not have unprotected sex unless you are prepared to accept the responsibility of being involved in the life of the child you created.
Happy Father’s Day!
