Once upon a time, everyone dressed up to fly on a commercial airline flight. My memories are vague because I was very young at the time, but the state of “luxury” air travel today has made those vague memories more vivid.
For Gen Xers, Millennials, and Zoomers, what you are about to read is true; and it’s sad that it is a part of our past with no hopes of returning to your future.
I remember being dressed in a sports coat, slacks, and a shirt and tie before going to the airport. My parents’ attire made it look like they were going to a fancy dinner rather than a flight on an airline. There were patterned cloth curtains on each window. There was a lounging section in the back of the plane with a circular couch and tables with current magazines for your reading pleasure. I recall an area large enough for 8 to 10 passengers to leave their seats for the more roomy lounge area.
Passengers boarded airliners with a tacit grace. Flight attendants, known as stewardesses, wore sleek-fitting dresses with fluffy shirts, pill-box hats, and high heeled shoes that are more equivalent to what a stripper would wear - not the person whose responsibility it was to help you exit the plane in the unlikely event of a disaster.
In the 70s, Southwest Airlines brought sex to the skies with stewardesses wearing mini-skirts and patent-leather knee-high Go-Go boots. Southwest was known as the LUV Airline and still uses LUV in its branding. The mini-skirts were so short I’m convinced passengers purposely dropped items just to watch the stews squat down to pick something up. Just writing this makes me feel like it was all more a figment of my imagination than reality - but it is all true.
My faint memories of the luxury of airline travel in America were resurrected on my flights back from visiting my son and his family in Portland, OR. There are no non-stops between New Orleans and Portland, which means a long day of travel in both directions. On my return to New Orleans my layover was Las Vegas.
The Southwest Airlines gates at the airport in Vegas are far from modern and always seem to be packed with people traveling through Vegas and the hoards of people trying to get back home after days of drinking and gambling. And I’m sure there is always a good percentage of people who are happy to leave the decadence of Vegas for the comfort of their homes and routines.
I fly Southwest often and I usually have praise for their overall service and performance. However, my trip on Southwest back to New Orleans lacked the civility I am accustomed to on the ground.
It was 10 minutes before my flight was scheduled to board and with no announcement I went to the podium at the gate in search of clarity. A very abrupt gate attendant seemed quite aggravated that I would dare ask when boarding for the New Orleans flight would happen and informed me that the New Orleans flight “will leave after the Ontario flight leaves.”
I asked when would that be and he pointed to a plane on the tarmac and said “whenever that plane leaves!” It was frustrating because airlines know when flights will be at gates - even if delayed - when everything is moving they know when the flights will be at the gates. Well, not in this case.
I walked over to customer service and was informed that the flight to New Orleans would board at the gate I just left - Gate C-7. I took that information back to the hurried gate attendant; and while he was telling me the flight to New Orleans would be after the flight to Ontario, he stopped himself and said the gate has just been changed to B-21.
Gate B-21 was a nice hike and hauling my carry-on bag only added to the cardio-vascular workout I was getting on the Vegas equivalent of a treadmill.
At that point, I was frustrated - but calm - as I looked forward to getting home. We all lined up in Group-A to board and after pre-boarding passengers had been boarded - there was an announcement that another wheelchair passenger needed to board and with a tone of reprimand, the female gate attendant making the announcement made it feel as if it was our fault. She said something to like “Please move over and make room for a wheelchair passenger.”
Okay, who wasn’t willing to do that? But then we heard the same announcement with the same tone making it seem as if we had purposely decided to block any wheelchair passengers. And then a third time. I was waiting to be sent to stand in the corner because they had wheelchair passengers who were not expedited to the new gate.
And finally the boarding process for the rest of the herd began. Southwest has an open-seat policy, which means there is no reserved seating and passengers board in groups - or more like herds. But even the airlines that have reserved seating - the process is still similar to the visuals of cattle being herded into a single file to board trucks that will deliver them to a different destination than we expect when we fly on an airliner. But the sense of being herded is unmistakable.
In the past, there were just two seats the size of the traditional first class seats on each side of the aisle, which was wider than planes today. There were wide armrests no one felt cramped. Today, there are three seats on each side and an aisle that is impossible to pass through without knocking elbows and legs that don’t quite fit into the aisle seat. What little legroom there might be is eliminated by the huge carry-on bag that we somehow manage to cram in under the seat in front of us.
And then there is the gross lack of civility on airline flights today. Since the pandemic, violence against passengers and flight crew has skyrocketed; but even without violence, there is evidence all around that civility is also a thing of the past.
There are the “loud talkers” - these are the individuals that feel the need to make sure everyone notices them or in some cases they may just be oblivious that they share the world with anyone else. Either way it’s annoying. And while cellphones are still allowed to be used, the “loud talkers” want to make sure everyone knows that their business is booming and could not function without their accute guidance.
On my flight from Portland to Vegas, I had window seat. The two women, who did not know each other, in the center and aisle seats began talking and found an instant bond over God, which was fine. But they had a long conversation about the people in their lives who had recently passed away and one woman said something like, “As when he passed I saw the angels take him by the hand and I said I’ll see you soon.”
We were about to take off on this flight, and I was sure hoping there are no plans for her to see him anytime within in next few hours! And then they discussed the religious belief that “When it’s your time - it’s your time!” Ladies, can we please change the topic?
And speaking of words and phrases associated with flying - do you realize that when we leave one airport for another our ultimate destination is the “terminal.” Maybe we should reconsider making our destination seem so final. And why in the hell does the pilot have to announced that we are on our “final approach!” I’m expecting many more approaches and do not want this to be my “final” approach.
Deplaning is another cattle call for us humans. I have left enough items on planes in my life that deplaning ignites a toxic anxiety level in me as flashbacks of items left behind haunt me. The images of a phone, laptop, small travel bag, and other accessories flash before me has I walk down the jetway. Like a mother duck who counts her ducklings after crossing the pond - I actually stopped just outside of the jetway and counted all of my vital items. [Huge sigh] They were all there!
The gate attendant making the boarding announcements at Gate B-21 was excellent and the tone of his voice was comforting. I realize everyone has bad days - so I do not want to appear that I lack empathy - but traveling is a “Charlie Foxtrot” most of the time; and if your job is to make that announcements about boarding - then do it with a comforting tone and don’t make it seem like we did something wrong because your airline switched gates at the very last minute resulting in chaos.
For Boomers - we can actually think back to a time when airline travel was a luxury. For Gen Xers, Millennials, and Zoomers - understand that dinosaurs are not the only part of the past that became extinct - luxurious airline travel did too.