(670 The Score) This? After all that? Really?
Everything on the table and all excited for any possible plan, and the Bears ended up just settling for an older, slower version of the quarterback with whom they're cutting ties after four years. After being tantalized by the idea of such obvious quarterback upgrades as Russell Wilson, Deshaun Watson, Matt Stafford and others, we're left with general manager Ryan Pace banking his immediate future on veteran Andy Dalton.
One year, $10 million seems about right, if Mike Glennon was worth so much more in 2017. We presume there will be an uninspiring competition with Nick Foles for the starting job, unless we're talking about being inspired to step off the curb in front of a city bus. Nobody wins, yet again.
Maybe the Bears will still draft somebody we can at least pretend might eventually be decent. That's where we are in this, our eternal Sisyphean fate in the realm of Bears quarterbacks.
I think I may already be nodding off while imagining more of the same disconnections we expect from coach Matt Nagy's offense, and I may just be daydreaming about the press conference to come...
PACE: "Thanks for being here today. This is a big day for the Chicago Bears franchise, as we are excited to welcome Andy to our quarterback room. We collaborated on this whole team effort, and we are really happy that we executed our plan so collaboratively. I will now name other people involved, in an effort to diffuse responsibility for the probable failure and limited upside of my decision."
NAGY: "We will start whoever gives us the best chance to win. There will be a competitive environment at every position, and we will evaluate Nick and Andy in a way that only we can interpret, because that allows us to do whatever we want regardless of what is actually in evidence. We know better because we kept our jobs by valuing groupthink and back-slapping over actual wins."
DALTON: (smiles wanly, blinks)
NAGY: "We have always liked Andy, especially when he was younger and probably better than he is now. Remember when he went to the Pro Bowl? That was awesome."
PACE: "We have many assistant coaches and many scouts."
TED PHILLIPS: "Did we win enough games? No. Did we get the quarterback exactly right? No. I mean -- yes, we won enough games to not fire people, apparently. And now the quarterback part is different, so that might be better."
DALTON: (glances around nervously)
PACE: "We really like the people in our pro personnel department, our athletic trainers, equipment managers, custodial subcontractors and Dave, the guy from DoorDash who brought subs that one time. We operate as a team. It's the whole building."
GEORGE MCCASKEY: "DARNELL MOONEY IS A NAME OF A PLAYER THAT I KNOW WHO WAS NOT A DISAPPOINMENT!!"
NAGY: "Our offense is ready to be night and day from what it has been. We were at the 100 level and now will be at the 200 level with this quarterback room. Nick and Andy are going to be so supportive of each other that it will make up for their respective deficiencies. They are both very confident professionals, particularly when opposing defenders happen to be throwing them on the ground and falling on top of them."
PACE: "I should mention that I also have collaborative help from a variety of office supplies and equipment. ballpoint pens, dry-erase markers, an adjustable chair with comfortable armrests, several filing cabinets and a stapler."
DALTON: (blinks "Help me" in Morse Code, repeatedly)
Wake me when somebody makes it all stop.
Dan Bernstein is the co-host of the Bernstein & Rahimi Show on middays from 9 a.m. until noon on 670 The Score. You can follow him on Twitter @Dan_Bernstein.