“Thank goodness for Kyle Shanahan and the San Francisco 49ers!” Who would have thought that we here in the Bay Area would be saying that back in September. But the truth is, the 49ers look not just good, but like absolute world beaters even though their quarterback has never picked up a razor to shave in his life. But such is the now apparent genius of Kyle Shanahan, who has taken the third-string lemons that life gave him and has made some sweet, sweet lemonade.
Elsewhere around the league, the Vikings have proven that, while you may not believe in Santa, you can believe in the Skol clap, and in their ability to make no lead feel safe. Not feeling safe right now is the Philadelphia Eagles who now get to spend the holiday season worrying about the shoulder of their MVP candidate quarterback. Meanwhile, the AFC is officially a three-headed monster between the Kansas City Chiefs, Buffalo Bills and now the Cincinnati Bengals, who look just as fearsome as those previous two teams. Also, take this chance to watch the end of that Pats-Raiders game, the first time the Raiders beat the Patriots since 2002!
Note: These are not power rankings. These are not picks based off any analytical data or insider knowledge. These are picks based off what I have seen during the season so far. I could be wrong, just like I could be right. Either way, I will be back again next week to offer an updated projection to cover any of my past mistakes. Check out the projections from weeks past here:
Week 1 | Week 2 | Week 3 | Week 4 | Week 5 | Week 6 | Week 7 | Week 8 | Week 9 | Week 10 | Week 11 | Week 12 | Week 13 | Week 14
AFC
1 Seed: Buffalo Bills (14-3) AFC East Winner
We – and by we, I mean me – actually once thought the Bills were fading and would fall into a Wild Card spot. Imagine this team getting a Wild Card spot. The Bills are not without their issues, but this still looks like a team primed to go to Glendale.
2 Seed: Kansas City Chiefs (14-3) AFC West Winner
I’m just happy Jerrick McKinnon is finally having fun playing football.
3 Seed: Cincinnati Bengals (12-5) AFC North Winner
The Bengals were down 17-0 on the road against the GOAT and still found a way to escape Florida with a win while leaving a fat egg on said GOAT’s face. Bengals seem pretty playoff ready.
4 Seed: Tennessee Titans (9-8) AFC South Winner
I expect them to win what will essentially be a division-deciding game on the road in Jacksonville to clinch the AFC South. Even as I say that out loud, I wonder if a division can just have no winners.
5 Seed: Los Angeles Chargers (10-7)
The Chargers started off a soft spot of the schedule by escaping with a home win over the Titans, a team that might be tanking without realizing it. Was that a preview of the worst playoff game ever?
6 Seed: Baltimore Ravens (10-7)
The sooner Lamar Jackson can come back, the better right? The fact is the Ravens exist outside the elite club in the AFC and probably should not be taken all that seriously. And that is how you set yourself up to be proven wrong kids.
7 Seed: Miami Dolphins (9-8)
Dolphins fans have had nothing to be happy about the last 20 years. Will they want more this season? Of course, but in the meantime take your playoff appearance and try not to Dolphins this whole thing up before next season.
NFC
1 Seed: Philadelphia Eagles (14-3) NFC East Winner
How much of a problem could a balky shoulder possibly be for Jalen Hurts? Just ask Jimmy Garoppolo.
2 Seed: San Francisco 49ers (13-4) NFC West Winner
Apparently, it is full steam ahead. No rest for the weary for the 49ers, which is definitely a great plan for a team full of injury histories.
3 Seed: Minnesota Vikings (13-4) NFC North Winner
You better watch out, you better not cry. You better not doubt the Vikings, I’m telling you why. No lead is safe when, Kirk’s cooking.
4 Seed: Tampa Bay Buccaneers (9-8) NFC South Winner
How many times can one say “don’t count out Tom Brady” before we start fining people for saying it?
5 Seed: Dallas Cowboys (13-4)
OMG THEY LOST TO THE JAGUARS A WEEK AFTER ALMOST LOSING TO THE TEXANS and the good news is they get the Eagles offense next. Get your popcorn ready, Cowboys haters.
6 Seed: New York Giants (10-6-1)
Can the Giants ride a surprising late season win over Washington to the playoffs? Honestly, I just want to manifest a Giants-49ers playoff matchup so the Bay Area can FINALLY get a win over New York.
7 Seed: Seattle Seahawks (9-8)
Geno Smith is a Pro Bowler and the Seahawks are going to be in the playoffs. Imagine saying THAT in September.
AFC WILD CARD ROUND
(2) Chiefs over (7) Dolphins
The good news is Kansas City is not as cold as Buffalo. The bad news is the Chiefs are as good as the Bills.
(3) Bengals over (6) Ravens
The Lamar Jackson Era in Baltimore comes to an ending that probably could have been avoided, but that’s the business we call football.
(5) Chargers over (4) Titans
Either this game will suck, or be so bad it is good. There will be no middle ground in this classic armpit game of the AFC playoffs.
NFC WILD CARD ROUND
(2) 49ers over (7) Seahawks
Can the 49ers be the first team since the Giants in 2007 to beat an NFL team three times in one season? The Seahawks have looked beyond uncompetitive against the 49ers, so expect this game to be unnaturally close.
(3) Vikings over (6) Giants
Maybe the Vikings come back from down 40, because why not with this team.
(5) Cowboys over (4) Bucs
Apparently the Cowboys defense is bad now, which would make this game more interesting if the Bucs receivers were not equivalent of AT&T when it came to drops.
DIVISIONAL ROUND
(1) Bills over (5) Chargers
After a slow start, Josh Allen puts the team on his back and we marvel over the 40 point second half the Bills have.
(3) Bengals over (2) Chiefs
Last week I had them upsetting the Bills. This week the Chiefs. The Bengals are built for one reason: misery.
(1) Eagles over (5) Cowboys
Even a 50% Jalen Hurts can still beat the Cowboys.
(3) Vikings over (2) 49ers
A team with a third string rookie picked last in the draft is going to lose in the playoffs and people will be shocked by it. I keep telling you not to sleep on this Vikings team.
CHAMPIONSHIP WEEKEND
(1) Bills over (3) Bengals
The Bills offense goes limp and is bailed out by a defense that makes Joe want to Burrow into a hole for the summer. See what I did there?
(1) Eagles over (3) Vikings
The clock strikes midnight on the Vikings Cinderella season as the Eagles thank their lucky stars that Kyle Shanahan stopped running the ball the week before, thus paving the way for this matchup with Minnesota.
SUPER BOWL
(1) Bills over (1) Eagles
Remember that shoulder injury that we were just talking about with Jalen Hurts? This is where I expect it to rear its ugly head again. Always at the worst moments.
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