(670 The Score) Those of us of a certain age and history know that there's still one neural pathway of our sports-fan brain that can only be accessed by something very specific.
If one subscribes to the triune theory of the evolution of human cognition, we understand that the outermost of the three complexes, the neomammalian, controls the highest-order functions like abstract thinking, while the limbic system beneath takes care of core basic emotions that guide our motivations for behavior. Underlying that is the reptilian level, where such animal instincts as aggression and territoriality reside.
And in my quadripartite theory, at the bottom of all of it is the Bears Defense ganglion.
This cluster of cells is directly stimulated by Khalil Mack in a way that would fry the circuits of an EEG, as it was by Otis Wilson or Brian Urlacher. It's not connected to any more complex logic or reasoning, operating independently. When activated, it overrides all regular homeostatic checks and balances, and that's why all the stomping and screaming and the coffee table is over there and one of the throw pillows might be torn and I ate one of the batteries out of the remote and I don't remember.
Seriously, nothing hits that spot like a great Bears defense doing bad things to people.
The thrill and satisfaction of a team winning a championship is a grand and deep fulfillment and inarguably more important, but even that doesn't deliver the same visceral goods as proper game day mayhem. Not the splashiest of slam dunks, end-to-end goals or soaring home runs. Not the perfect curve taken at the knees, wicked crossover dribble or seven-iron snuggled right up to the stick. Nothing provides the primal force of Bears smothering opponents and taking the ball that's so rightly theirs.
This current group is trending to the point that you want them on the field to start the game and don't really mind a few punts that get them back out there.
I don't have to do anything to become the little kid wrapped in blankets watching Doug Buffone in the November drizzle from the 40-yard line or the high schooler in the wool Ditka sweater realizing the moment that Wilber Marshall was about to execute that fatality move on Eric Hipple (the 3:11 mark here). It's the same part of the brain activated by what the Bears did to the Vikings last Sunday, punching them in the mouth over and over again, throwing them down and mopping them up.
This is the good stuff if you're in any way wired like I am, a tangible feeling unparalleled by anything else that sports can deliver. Even anticipating it becomes its own thing in itself, just the warmth from knowing that another episode of Mack and Friends is coming Sunday.
If it could be synthesized and sold, it wouldn't be legal to possess.
Dan Bernstein is a co-host of 670 The Score's Bernstein & McKnight Show in midday. You can follow him on Twitter @Dan_Bernstein.
