Most hospitals have entire hospice teams of trained professionals, from clergy to home health workers to nurses and social workers. All are focused on the patient's quality of life and emotional health during their remaining days, not on treating their disease.
Allina Hospitals' Supervisor of Spiritual Care and Bereavement Steve Robertson uses his mother's recent death as an example of how hospice can help families in those final days.
"We were together. We were able to talk to her. She was able to tell us that she was going to be okay. We told her that we were going to be okay. We were able to tell her we love her. We were able to make sure she knew that there was nothing we were holding back on, as we knew she wasn't. So a form of forgiveness; there was a time of thanksgiving; a reminder that we'll be all right. And then at the time that she died, the opportunity to say goodbye," he recalled.
Robertson says the hospice process allows loved ones to make peace with their parents' death and hopefully take some of the fear out of it.
"And when the person goes, it doesn't mean we don't grieve or mourn. We do, because love is what causes us to grieve and mourn," he said.
Typically there's a lot for siblings and other family members to handle, on top of the emotional toll of watching a parent inch toward death. Power-of Attorney matters for any legal or will-related issues, handling their money and any longer-term investments, and even pre-paying for funeral and burial expenses they know are coming. The hospice counselors are also there to support the family members as they tackle these issues, which can be stressful and daunting during a time of little sleep but lots of tears.
As for Robertson, he says he can't imagine any other job.
"To be part of a family's intimate moment of death — that's an incredibly intimate moment. And I am fortunate and privileged to be invited into that moment," he said.
And the key to hospice care, according to Robertson, is to take the fear out of death while helping families understand that it's simply part of the life cycle.
"Death isn't as frightening. And hospice doesn't pretend to take away the pain of death. It says, 'we'll walk with you through this journey so this experience won't be as difficult for you.'"
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