The holidays are almost upon us and that means seeing family members you may not see very often, and … who you may not agree with on very much, either socially or politically. That can be tough to deal with around what is already a stressful time of year for many. So, what are some of the best practices for staying social during the holidays, but avoiding any of those potential conversational landmines that could lead to conflict? Madeline Corcoran, a New Orleans counselor who deals with family conflict and defining boundaries, says defining where your lines are can be crucial. “It’s important to recognize that some people will want to engage in those conversations,” Corcoran points out. This is an important point as not every contentious conversation is intended to be adversarial in nature. “Some family members seek those interactions out, but making sure you have language around how to set those boundaries is crucial. It can be as simple as saying ‘I don’t want to talk about that right now’ with the people you care about to keep the peace around the holiday season,” adds Corcoran.
It’s of course possible to love people who may drive you crazy when they bring up certain things. How do you find that balance of being social, but defining those boundaries? “The thing about boundaries is that you get to determine your own boundaries, but you don’t get to determine other people’s. If someone is interacting with you in a way that feels uncomfortable or that you don’t want to continue, you have the right to step back and say you don’t want to talk about it that day or you would rather change the topic. That’s your right,” Corcoran emphasizes.
Ultimately, enjoying the holidays is an entirely personal experience. Corcoran stresses that there is no “wrong” or “right” way to enjoy the holidays; it’s all about what brings you personal peace. “It’s important to make sure that you understand what you can and can’t handle,” she notes. “There’s no correct way to prepare for or to decompress after those conversations. It’s all about knowing yourself,” Corcoran adds. She also emphasizes that sometimes going through the motions of something unpleasant for the greater good can bring a sense of accomplishment and peace after the fact. So, if you find yourself stuck in a conversation around the Christmas Tree with a particular troublesome relative, just keep in mind that the holiday season only comes around once a year ... and it will be over soon enough.