Viral artist Av Freeman -- better known as honestav -- whose single "I'd Rather Overdose (ft Z)" tackles the topic of addiction within the family unit and has become a massive hit on social media, sat down with us to discuss the importance of having open conversations surrounding mental health.
LISTEN NOW: honestav Shares His Story
“First of all, we could talk about this for five hours probably… I think it's so important,” he tells host Megan Holiday. “My brother passed away when he was 21 years old. He passed away from a suicide at 21 years old, and that really opened my mind up to like -- I was 15 at the time, and I thought he was a grown man. As I get older, I realized I was a kid who had all these things bottled up inside of him. He felt like he was a grown man… he had to kind of be an adult, you know, and he had little brothers to take care of. So he felt like he was a grown man, I felt like he was a grown man, he treated himself like a grown man. He kept everything in, he never talked about anything. He died when he was 21.”
Av continues, “I'm 26 and my life is just now starting, he died when he was 21."
"When his brother passed," he says, “I learned that you gotta talk about things, you have to be open, just to give yourself a chance. You gotta know that it's OK to feel how you're feeling, and feelings pass through you. As soon as you recognize that, the torment of insecurities or whatever you're battling -- it doesn't go away, but it's easier to deal with.”
Alternatively, he explains, “I watched my father, my brother passed away, struggle with the same things, and I was always trying to be more open about my struggles. Like we just said, I'm trying to let my feelings pass through me. My dad was the complete opposite -- you couldn't get him to talk about anything and he would never open up. If he was sad about something, you just ignored it and if a topic came up that was hard to talk about, you just stopped talking. My dad eventually committed suicide himself.”
“Those are just two prime examples,” he says. “It is all good to not be in the best mental health. It is all good to have a great day on Friday and then wake up on Saturday and be like, ‘Dang, I hate this,’ or be like, ‘I don't want to be here anymore.’ But then if you give it till Sunday, maybe Sunday you will, and then maybe if Sunday you don't, maybe Monday you will.”
His advice is to just keep giving yourself a chance -- because you are the only one who can. “Personally, just up front, close, and center, I watched two people not give themselves a chance. They never talked about it… my dad definitely knew how important it was, and he still chose not to talk about it. Here we are, they passed away and that only hurts the people around you, and it doesn't really solve anything. It just kind of makes it worse for the people that have to stay here, and I'm living in it.”
Related
Giving yourself plenty of chances, he believes, is the “only way to try to get through things. I try to talk about things. I struggle with my mental health daily,” Av says, while also recognizing that he is now in a situation where things are truly going well in his life. “I'm in a position where I can kind of care for myself for the first time ever. I've always wanted to be a musician, and now it's my job.” However, he admits “I still find myself waking up struggling some days. The only thing I do is try to give myself a chance.”
“I wish I had the answer,” Av says, “how to be like, ‘Yo, if you're sad, this is how you aren't sad anymore,’ but I don't have the answer. All I know is that I, I'm trying to do what my dad and my brother didn't do, and when I'm upset I talk about it, and if I feel like I really can't talk about it, then I go talk to the mirror about it. I just try to give myself a chance.”
“I'm still trying to find those answers,” Av says, “if you find the guy that has them, give him my number.”
“Music saved my life,” he admits. “I think art in general, like if I was trying to make it wider for everybody to relate, art in general is like a place to put your pain. If you have pain and you have stuff tormenting you, and beating you up, and you don't know where to put it, you cannot store it inside of your body. You have to put it somewhere. It could be painting, it could be writing, it could be poetry, it could be singing, it could be kickboxing… It could be anything you want. As long as you are taking the pain, and you're taking the hurt and the stuff that you're feeling inside that's making you have a tough day and you put it out somewhere -- give it back to the universe. The universe will take care of it -- don't keep it inside. That's what music's done for me.”
Related
Audacy's I’m Listening initiative aims to encourage those who are dealing with mental health issues to understand they are not alone. If you or anyone you know is struggling with depression or anxiety, know that someone is always there. Additionally, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week at 988. Find a full list of additional resources here.