Hey! Shouldn't the Padres get with it and put a call into the Los Angeles Angels of Anheim to see about a possible trade for the great outfielder Mike Trout?
I mean, first it seemed ludicrous enough to even be trying for Manny Machado. But now Bryce Harper has come into the picture. Why stop there?
All of the greatest hitters in the world still can't win you anything without pitching. And the Padres' young, star arms still appear to be a year or two away. So while we're at it, let's kick the tires on the Dodgers' Clayton Kershaw or the Nationals' Max Scherzer. Or both. They could join a rotation with two guys we were supposedly getting earlier this offseason: Noah Syndergaard and Corey Kluber.
This has all just gone nuts in a big, big hurry. But if you're truly a Padres fan, you've got to love it.
(Now, it is here in our story where reality kicks in, the Friars wind up with none of the above, and it winds up being another hum-drum season down at Petco Park).
But for now, let's send reality on a vacation. Let's live in Fantasyland for a moment or two. And let's just imagine that one (or more) of our pipe dreams actually come true.
Signing Machado to take over a wide open gap at third base makes enough sense on its own. Sure that didn't seem like a possibility at the beginning of this offseason, but the landscape has changed since then. The boffo bucks Machado seemed likely to get as a superstar free agent apparently just aren't there.
So what would you do if that gorgeous blonde who's out of your league suddenly can't find a date? Jump in and ask her out, that's what! And, smartly, that's what Padres ownership has done. Machado can be a bit mercurial with the attitude, but he'd still look great in brown and yellow (or whatever brown color scheme Ron Fowler and company have in mind for the new uniforms).
Machado can play third or short as well as anyone in the game, and his bat would look sensational in the middle of an improving Padres' lineup. Not only that, the Friars would have to give away none of their young, hot, talent lava in order to get him. Just pour open the checkbook, get him lined up on the left side of the infield with baseball's No. 1 prospect Fernando Tatis, Jr., and watch the wins pile up.
But hey! Two blondes are better than one! As the great T.V. character Sam Malone of "Cheers" once said when Karla the barmaid was lamenting the fact she was about to give birth to twins: "Hey, I had twins once, and it was the greatest night of my life!"
And so it is that the Padres are in the running for Harper, too. Another once-in-a-generation talent. And though the Padres don't exactly have a gaping hole in the outfield where Harper plays, they don't exactly have anyone like Harper, either. If he were to come to San Diego -- where he was married just a couple of years ago -- there would be more bliss. And all you would have to do is trade Hunter Renfroe and Franmil Reyes for some pitching to make room for him.
Harper even used to play center field with the Nationals, so maybe you put him there and keep Renfroe. Dreaming can be fun, can't it?
And I commend the Padres for dreaming. Not all dreams come true, but you can't make anything happen if you don't at least dare to think about trying to make it happen. And the Padres are certainly doing that.
Hey? One last thing. Does anybody have a number for Willie Mays or Hank Aaron?
Just asking.
