Me, standing on soap box: "I want no part of DeMarcus Cousins under any circumstances! He's a coach killer and a chemistry killer who's never won anything! There's NO WAY Danny Ainge would ever consider …"
Me, lowering megaphone: "How much? Five million bucks? For one year? For real?
"Uh, gotta go."
I have never advocated signing Boogie Cousins and I never will. But when the news broke on Monday night that the All-Star center, who's recovering from a torn Achilles, had decided to join the defending champion Warriors for one year and $5.3 million, the NBA reacted with understandable shock. To maybe the best point guard, shooting guard, small forward, and defender in the league, the Dubs added a dominating big man. Sounds fair.
Locally, though, that was nothing compared to the stunning follow-up report from ESPN's Chris Haynes that Cousins had narrowed his final list of destinations to Golden State and . . . Boston.
Boston! Just days after Ainge had convincingly proclaimed the team didn't have anything major planned this summer. (Aside: for a man of faith, Ainge sure knows how to mislead us, not even a year after conjuring Kyrie Irving out of Isaiah Thomas's broken hip.)
My first reaction was, "Why?" because Cousins' history of belligerence precedes him. He holds the NBA record for fastest suspension in a season due to accumulated technical fouls, racking up 16 in just 50 games two years ago. The Kings twice sent him home for insubordination. The league has suspended him for confronting a rival TV broadcaster (San Antonio's Sean Elliott) and punching a rival player (Patrick Beverley).
He has played for seven coaches in eight years and there's a good chance the first six, anyway, regret their time together. Maybe Alvin Gentry of New Orleans feels differently, but Cousins generally hasn't been mistaken for a positive locker room presence since leaving Kentucky in 2010. He makes David Price look like Rudy.
Add Sacramento's worthless second-division finishes -- the Kings never won more than 33 games with Cousins in uniform -- and the fact that New Orleans somehow improved after losing him for the season (.565 winning percentage with him, .618 without him before sweeping Blazers in first round), and there's not much incentive to make Cousins a priority.
Paying him the $150 million he would've commanded with two healthy Achilles tendons never remotely made sense. Let him be somebody else's headache. But a one-year deal for no money with no urgency to rush him back into action? Man, what a home run that would've been for Ainge.
For all the threats Cousins poses to team harmony, there's no debating his impact on the floor. He has averaged nearly 26 points and 12 rebounds a game over the last four seasons, and the Celtics need no introduction to his particular set of skills. In the past four years alone, he has posted a 31-15 against them, as well as a 28-9-3 with four blocks. At 6-11, 270, he's a tank with improving 3-point range who just averaged a career-high 5.4 assists a game.
Imagine a playoff lineup of Kyrie Irving, Gordon Hayward, Jayson Tatum, Al Horford and Cousins, with Jaylen Brown coming off the bench? The C's would've actually owned a matchup against Joel Embiid in Philadelphia, and they wouldn't have been wiped off the court by Cousins' now-former Pelicans teammate Anthony Davis.
Signing Cousins would've made me uneasy, but what's the risk of a one-year deal for the mid-level exception? Answer: it's minimal. He could only be so disruptive without a long-term deal.
This is a purely academic exercise, however, because Cousins chose the sure title over the less certain one. Can't blame him, and can't blame the Celtics for trying.
Of course, we're now left to wonder just what Ainge has up his sleeve for Plan B.