Relationships can be complicated, especially when someone feels like they are experiencing two very different versions of the person they are dating. On a special edition of Unlicensed Therapy, Kevin and Taylor welcomed writer and filmmaker Ann Marie Allison to help a listener navigate a relationship filled with both incredible highs and difficult lows.
The conversation centered around Valerie from Marietta, who reached out after noticing troubling patterns with the man she was dating. Valerie explained that things started out feeling perfect, with intense attention and affection, but over time she noticed moments where he criticized her, questioned her choices and made her feel uneasy. Her best friend believed she might be dating a narcissist.
Ann Marie Allison the creator of the book and movie “You’re Dating a Narcissist,” joined the show to discuss the signs people should pay attention to in relationships. She explained that narcissistic relationships often follow a pattern she described as “idealize, devalue, discard.”
According to Allison, the beginning of these relationships can feel almost perfect, with someone making their partner feel special and deeply connected. However, she explained that things can shift when criticism and emotional distance enter the relationship.
“What you were really describing to me very clearly is that, like, in the beginning, you're put on a pedestal,” Allison told Kevin and Taylor.
She explained that during the devalue stage, a person may begin questioning themselves, apologizing for things they did not do and feeling like they are constantly trying to avoid conflict.
The discussion also explored why people stay in relationships that may be unhealthy. Allison explained that some people remain because of a cycle where positive moments keep pulling them back in, even after difficult experiences.
She said, “A relationship, especially an intimate relationship, a romantic relationship, should really bring the best out of you and make you feel safe and whole.”
Kevin and Taylor also asked Allison about the difference between healthy self-love and narcissism. She explained that confidence and self-worth are not the same as putting yourself above others.
“I know my worth, but I also know yours too,” Allison said while describing healthy self-love.
She added that people with healthy self-esteem can acknowledge mistakes, apologize and show empathy, while people with stronger narcissistic traits may struggle with accountability.
The interview also touched on why narcissism has become a bigger topic of conversation in recent years. Allison said there is no single reason someone develops narcissistic traits, but that environment, upbringing and personal experiences can all play a role.
To listen to the full interview, click HERE.
The warning signs hiding behind a “perfect” relationship
The warning signs hiding behind a “perfect” relationship
